If you like comedy, PR or the occasional inside scoop on the entertainment world, then drop by for a daily dose written by me, Kambri Crews, producer and publicist to comedians and more!   Tuesday, July 30, 2002 Extreme weather conditions have a way of uniting New Yorkers. There's nothing like thunder, lightening and raindrops the size of Jupiter to make you just laugh and say "You got me!" There's no sense in pretending you're a cool urban dweller when you're busy trying to outrun a pending storm, dodging puddles and hoping a speeding taxi doesn't splash you with infested street water. Today it was the heat, extreme humidity and the smells that could penetrate Ft. Knox. We unlucky travelers on the N Train found ourselves without A/C in at least three consecutive cars in both directions. Finally surrendering to the circumstances, we all became allies. Moaning, grunting, complaining, joking, even laughing as equals.Just look into everybody's eyes and there's a sense of camaraderie; a mutual understanding that says: "I feel your pain. Now get outta my way!" Link - 9:44 AM -   Monday, July 29, 2002 Ooooooh weeeeee! It's hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch! It's Cah-Razy H*O*T! Some wild animal encounters had me thinking the heat has gone to their brains. First, a wee tiny little mouse barely inching along the sidewalk. I turned back and approached it to see if it would scurry along. It didn't. Bless his heart--I'm sure he's dead. Second, a cute-as-a-mouse **oops** a cute-as-a-baby's-bottom Maltese wandering along 33rd Street with his leash trailing behind him. He looked absolutely confused. Why? Well, I had just passed his master walking two pooches identical to this one. How this man didn't realize he'd left one of his pack behind just baffles me. Two young men carrying their laundry loads witnessed the abandonment. I grabbed the leash and hooked it on to a metal post so the little fella wouldn't wander into the nearby intersection his owner had just crossed. One guy went after the dog walker while the other stood guard over the dumbfounded doggie. That's when the dog got upset. Imagine yourself hooked to a fence, your master getting further and further away and a strange man with a giant load of clothes staring back at you. I bet you'd howl and scream like this little guy did. Poor baby. Third, a fat black cat pouncing on top of an awning one story off the ground. Hmmm...okay...just where does he think he's going? I hear very strange pigeon noises coming from above the awning. Not the typical coos. Ah, the cat senses easy prey, but there's no where for the cat to go. Or, so I thought. In a flash, this cat managed to climb a fire escape ladder and the wall and was out of sight in no time. That pigeon didn't stand a chance--Spiderman lives. Link - 3:43 PM -   Thursday, July 25, 2002 Look for a six page spread about that book I mentioned back on July 13th in the upcoming September issue of Vanity Fair which hits stands August 6th. Why it's not the August issue is beyond me. Pretty soon we'll be getting July issues in April. How annoying. By the time my horoscope is valid, I've tossed the issue in the trash. Just how do those publishers think I am going to function in life without my star chart to guide and shape me? Hmmpph! I guess I'll have to turn to fortune cookies. At least those are edible. Last night my boss attended the NYC premiere of Austin Powers in Goldmember. Sadly he had no good dish to share this morning. I'm sorely disappointed. After all, Verne Troyer ("Mini-Me" and noted in my June 14th entry) is Marc's spokesperson for MicroPets. If I had gone in his place, I'm certain I could have had some MicroTales at the very least. Link - 9:41 PM -   Wednesday, July 24, 2002 I had hearts of palm in a salad the other day--mmm mmm scrumptious! But it got me thinking, who figured out that it was good to eat the center of a tree? It's analogous to those stupid human tricks. Exactly how does one learn that they can stick a 20-penny nail into their sinus cavity and burst the balloon they previously swallowed? When was it determined that eating rattlesnake won't kill you and that lady realized she could bug her eyes out of her head? Link - 11:55 AM -   Tuesday, July 23, 2002 I don't think I have an excessive amount of pet peeves, but the ones I do have seem to center around bathroom etiquette. Particularly my office bathroom. It's becoming a fixation of mine. I've considered posting a sign, writing to the Managing Partner, handing out fliers...something to stop the horror I deal with each time I pay a visit to the Ladies Room and I use the term "Ladies" loosely. In no particular order, here are my peeves: (1) Urine on the seats. Now, ladies we are not male felines spraying our territory and marking boundaries. The idea is to urinate in the toilet. That's IN the toilet. (2) Unflushed toilets. Trust me, no one--I repeat: NO ONE wants to see what you've expelled. I don't care if we are in a drought, flush twice if it didn't work the first time. (3) Using the stall adjacent to mine when there are other options. My office bathroom is small. Tiny actually. It seems the stalls were built when women didn't grow taller than 5'4" and if she did, she was in a sideshow living in rusted mobile home with Jo Jo the Dog Faced Boy. There are only three stalls. When someone is in one of the end stalls, why not allow that someone a little extra space by going to the other end stall. Don't pop a squat next door. Please, I'm begging you! What a whirlwind week! Wednesday was The Full Monty; Thursday was Love, Janis; Saturday was Endpapers; and Sunday was a matinee of I'm Not Rappaport. All of them were fantastic with my favorite being The Full Monty--and since I work on the same street, it will be very easy to stalk the guys who star and get *ahem* nekkid. The best part is that I saw all four shows for a grand total of $88! Strike that. The best part was that I saw them with some of my best friends who also happen to love theater. Link - 7:38 PM -   Saturday, July 13, 2002 This book is what we've been so busy with at work. Pre-orders now available. My boss is in the acknowledgements, so he's pretty pleased with himself as he should be. Link - 3:56 PM -   Friday, July 12, 2002 I am surely being punished for enjoying myself and relaxing so much in the Caribbean. I have returned to my usual state of stress accompanied with itchy eyes, congestion, a perpetual tickle of a sneeze that sometimes comes and sometimes just teases and lingers long enough to make me squint, get teary and have an absurd look on my face. I am the homo sapien female species version of Rudolph. Can any one tell me if this can be attributed to the haze that blanketed NYC from the Quebec wildfires? Link - 5:08 PM -   This morning while walking to the subway, I passed a chicken bone on the sidewalk. A tiny little portion of a wing with no meat left to speak of sitting all alone on the concrete baking in the sun. How sad. Link - 9:34 AM -   Wednesday, July 10, 2002 Some sights and sounds and such upon my return from vacation: Furniture being moved in the apartment above me as I drifted off to sleep late last night; the smell of curry mixed with the aroma of stale urine and body odor wafting through the hallway as I left for work this morning; the beads of sweat that formed on my upper lip before I had even left my building lobby; melted gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe adhering me to the pavement with every other step; the sound of donated change clinking in a coffee cup, while the owner blindly stumbled on the train silently demanding more funds; the flattened giant corpse of a cockroach stuck to the gum that is stuck to my shoe; and, finally, my desk, cluttered and demanding my attention.Ah, there's no place like home! Link - 7:34 PM -   Tuesday, July 02, 2002 In cartoons, there is the standard gag whereby a dog, for example, envisions that a rabbit, for example, is not a rabbit, but rather a steaming hot piece of meat with an aroma so tempting it causes unconditional relfexive salivation. Today, I am the rabbit and every man I pass is the dog. New York City is some wild Pavlovian experiment gone awry. It is hot, I am showing skin, and the men have been conditioned to pant and howl. I wonder if I am more often a deep fried leg or breast. Hmmm....I wonder. Link - 2:05 PM -   I had a dream that Ricky Schroder and I were having dinner with our respective mates in tow. It was a rather intimate affair...low lighting, bottles of red wine. I noted to Rick (that's what he likes to be called these days) that his daughter is also named Kambri. I told him, "We're not so different you and I." Marc once did a television appearance with Rick many moons ago. There's a blurry, faded photograph of the two of them buried somewhere deep in our apartment. Ricky with his bright white hair perfectly combed and Marc with his signature smile and bushy mop of brown hair. Who knew then that the two of them would have a Kambri to love in their lives? They are not so different those two. Except that Marc is Jewish and Rick is not and Rick is rich and famous and Marc is not (yet) and Marc is funnier and not married and Rick is married with four kids and Marc has no kids and Rick lives out West and Marc lives in New York. But other than that, they're not so different those two. Link - 10:05 AM -   Have a safe and happy 4th of July. I'll be in Marina Cay, otherwise known as The Republic of Cuervo for 7 months out of the year, until the 10th. It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it! Until then, take care! Link - 7:32 AM -