If you like comedy, PR or the occasional inside scoop on the entertainment world, then drop by for a daily dose written by me, Kambri Crews, producer and publicist to comedians and more!   Friday, November 29, 2002 Thanksgiving Ah, nothing like a turkey feast. An argument from two years ago resurfaced: whether nose and ear hair growth on men is genetic or inevitable with age. This segued into the query posed by Guest Who Shall Remain Nameless, "Do you lose pubic hair with age, because my wife is practically bald down there." This got a huge laugh/gasp from everyone. Marc threatened to hump the pumpkin chiffon pie and I asked one of his aunts if she was contagious. Turns out she has cancer and no one told me. For this lively dinner, I am thankful. Link - 9:41 PM -   Wednesday, November 27, 2002 Burn This featured outstanding performances by Ty Burrell, Dallas Roberts and Peter Sarsgaard and a decent turn by Elisabeth Shue. Knowing that my good friend Jim adores Ms. Shue, I was disappointed that she didn't blow me away. Marc found her performance to be well done, but the part as she played it wasn't as compelling as the three men's roles. In her defense, her character is the central figure and quite complicated. At three hours long (including a fifteen minute intermission), the ending was too far away for a Tuesday night. Also, I think the underlying plot line (men who die of AIDS without their families support...just like Dwayne) got lost in the revival. Overall, I enjoyed it and it was a very well spent $16. Yep, TDF did it again by providing professional theatre on the cheap. Oh yeah, and Jake Gyllenhaal was there with his date, Kirsten Dunst. She was dressed very frumpily, so I took that as a sign that she was out on a casual date and didn't expect to mingle with anyone. Because of this and the late time the play finished, we hightailed it home rather than chat with Jake. I'm sure Jake felt shunned and his ego was completely shattered. Sorry! Happy Thanksgiving! Link - 3:22 PM -   Tuesday, November 26, 2002 I think I broke through some secret society of billionaire boys last night. My boss invited me to see boxing at his very exclusive club with dinner and drinks beforehand with his long time friends. It was like members of The Firm all gathering for raucous time without the hassle of proper etiquette. Blue suits with striped ties all screaming encouragement to two young boys pummeling the shit out of each other. Not something I've seen before. After a couple of glasses of wine, I also felt the liberty to tell my boss he was behaving like a two year old. In my own warped way, I meant it as a compliment. He didn't see it my warped way. I tried to explain it as such and revised it by saying he was behaving like an eight year old. This did not work. Great. Just in time for my annual review, bonus and the holidays but it's not like he's the type to hold anything over you...oh no...not him...not him at all. Link - 9:39 PM -   Monday, November 25, 2002 Duh-win Award When will these stupid men learn? Never, ever store your child pornography collection on a computer. Duh! I'm going to create a spin-off of the Darwin Awards for dimwits like this former pastor. Good Lord Link - 9:39 PM -   Saturday, November 23, 2002 Ooooohhwee! Today was windier than a bag full of buttholes. Or, more properly, the weather conditions were not ideal for a photo shoot. Besides the extreme wind gusts it was quite chilly. I didn't mind the cold, but Greg's nose turned bright red fairly quickly. I do think we will have managed several decent shots as our photographer was a tried and true professional. We, however, will not see the fruit of his labor as his direction was to mail the undeveloped film directly to the Star Telegram. I'm sure they can brush out any errant hairs or the tears that were streaking down my face and tame Greg's red nose. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they will be kind and take the time to do just that. My last minute shopping proved fruitless. I found nothing that was Texan in the least, but I managed to find a few white tops that might pair nicely with some ridiculously gawdy sequin pants I purchased off of Ebay. I'm sure I'll never find the courage to wear these pants out in public, but they seemed so fun and sassy at the time. I've marked December 18th, the Holiday Bash being held at Serena, as their only chance for a debut. If I don't wear them there, I won't wear them anywhere. As for today, I settled for some good old fashioned blue jeans and a sweater paired with a belt I snagged about a year ago and have never worn. It's weathered orange leather with silver studs all around and a silver belt buckle that says "Texas" complete with an embossed armadillo, oil rig and wildflowers. It was so Texan, no one was the wiser that I bought it in Queens, New York at the Gap for $12. We saw Edward Hibbert again , Susan Sullivan passed by our shoot and Chris Noth nearly ran me down. Oh yeah, and I cut off all my hair. Link - 8:37 AM -   Friday, November 22, 2002 The Ft. Worth Star Telegram story got bumped to December 8th to allow time for a photo shoot for an extra pic of us in addition to the Stock Exchange Bull photo . We'll probably be shooting in Times Square tomorrow or Sunday and I don't have a THING to wear. That's not a high maintenance girl thing, I honestly don't have a thing to wear that fits in with what the Telegram wants...Texas wear. So, I'm going shopping at lunch and after work and then I'm going to get some rest and relaxation in hopes that I don't have big bags under my eyes like I do right now. Link - 9:37 PM -   Wednesday, November 20, 2002 Saw my friend Mark Malkoff last night in his show "Ralph". Ralph was pretty funny and only $5. Instead of Mark being nekkid, he was a teenager whose mother attempted to abort him fourteen times without success. Pretty sketchy humor (ba dum bump), but humor nonetheless. Pre-show dinner was in the Village at a popular lesbian hangout called Rubyfruit, a typical Village restaurant with it's low lighting and cozy eccentricity. The downstairs dining area is very romantic and the service was fantastic. Dinner was scrumptious (I recommend the baked brie as a starter) although there was lots of feta and olives. We live in Greek world and we came down to the Village for feta? Oh yeah, and lots of lesbians playing bingo in the upstairs bar. A few B-13s and O-66s later a "Bingo" was called. The emcee announced, "She's coming, she's coming...I hope!" Those wacky women, they sure know how to make a girl blush! Link - 9:35 PM -   Monday, November 18, 2002 Bad weather and a very long, frustrating week kept me holed up in my apartment all day and night Saturday and until 3:00 PM yesterday when I ventured out for the second installment of Harry Potter. I enjoyed this movie so much more than the first and I think it's because the books were not so fresh in my memory. As a result, I found myself surprised at plot twists, and I jerked in my seat more than a few times. There were some pretty young kids in the audience that I'm sure had trouble sleeping soundly. Just like me at 5 years old watching "Carrie". That movie scarred me for life. After that, I could never play with pig's blood or move things telekinetically ever again without having flashbacks. Bummer. On the upside, it did introduce me to one of my first screen crushes. Purrrrrrrr. Link - 9:17 PM -   Thursday, November 14, 2002 Act I - Scene I Enter Jack's office. I'm on my knees crouched on the floor behind his desk. My right arm is moving back and forth quickly and repeatedly. He is sitting in his leather chair moaning under his breath while fiddling with his mouse. Camera scans behind the desk to reveal that I am alternating between scraping and rubbing ice on flourescent blue peppermint gum which is embedded in the carpet that was put there by the sole of his shoe. He is grunting out of frustration because his computer is on the fritz since he knocked it over with his head when he bent down to remove his gum-ridden shoe. What did you think I was doing at work all day? Here's the telephone conversation that took place regarding how things were falling apart for him: Jack: ...And there's gum on my shoe and on the carpet, I hit my head on my computer, spilled an entire cup of coffee on my desk and now "Michael" is laughing at me. Me: Why? Are your pants unzipped? Slam! Dial tone. Conversation of the Day (Already at this hour?): Me: Mr. SoAndSo is on my line and wants to speak with you. Jack: Do you mind listening to me be brilliant? Link - 10:17 AM -   Wednesday, November 13, 2002 The Past Rears its Ugly Hair So I just hung up from a phone interview with the Ft. Worth Star Telegram. I don't want to count chickens before they hatch, but it seems our Tex in the City story might be featured in an article in the coming weeks. Yippie Kai Yay! I have no idea if that's how to spell "yippie kai yay" or why that's even a phrase in my vocabulary. The reporter is a true gem and was able to make me admit what an 80s chick I was with the big hair and such. She might use photos from our yearbook. Eeek! Ms. Reporter, please see my August 18th and October 5th entries and have pity on a young entrepreneur. O Tannenbaum, o Tannenbaum, Wie treu sind deine Blätter. The Tree is in place. Work will not be the same until January 7, 2003. Wish me luck. Link - 9:13 PM -   Tuesday, November 12, 2002 Gospel of Jack 11:12 Jack: "Do you see the words 'Charitable Contribution' after my name? Fu*k no!" Isn't it weird how once your attention is drawn to something, it pops up everywhere? Like when you buy a car that no one seems to own and suddenly everyone and their brother has your exact make and model. Well, my "something" has been Little People. Not long ago I was in tears watching a *very touching* documentary on the lives of dwarves. Later it was brought to my attention that there is an apartment building in Manhattan exclusive to little people. I was highly intrigued and envisioned shortened ceilings and narrow hallways like the entryway to John Malkovich's mind. Then I almost stepped on one while exiting the subway at the 49th Street stop. Hey, it's a busy stop, man, and my peripheral vision was blocked by my monstrously sized bag from Hable Construction. Turns out this wee guy was headed towards Radio City Music Hall to audition for the annual Radio City Christmas Spectacular. I'm guessing he was out for a part as an elf. Not sure; just guessing but there were hundreds of dwarves in Rockefeller Center all day. Fuh-reaky! There was the CSI episode dedicated to the Little People's convention. I saw one on 50th & Broadway. I see a different one, a woman, in the Concourse nearly every day now. Somebody check the Chinese calendar...it just might be the Year of the Dwarf. Link - 11:36 AM -   Monday, November 11, 2002 I wonder how many years it would be before the average person has had sex on every possible calendar date? Don't you hate it when you're in the movie theater and someone's cell phone rings? And doesn't it suck when there is a baby in the theater crying and babbling and whining the whole time? And isn't annoying when teenagers talk and giggle through the entire movie? Well, I'm here to tell you that it does. I'm also here to inform you that when all three happen during the same movie, certain people, and I'm not naming names here, have an increased likelihood of gouging Someone's eyes out and that Someone just might be the cell phone user, the baby and/or any teenager. Just letting you know. You know, in case you were wondering Link - 6:11 PM -   Sunday, November 10, 2002 As though blogging weren't enough of an addiction, I got the "Sims - Deluxe Edition". I'm still not sure why this game is so fun. After all, the characters I create do the same thing I do all day: Eat, sleep, shower, play on the computer, go to work...you get the idea. Yet I worry about them. I want their lives to be better, happier, filled with more fun and love. You know, just like Anna Nicole Smith. Link - 11:35 PM -   Saturday, November 09, 2002 Those moments when you "bump" into someone take so many random choices of the universe working in such a way that your path will inevitibly cross with someone else's. It's mind boggling really. Yesterday on the way to Serena to settle our party business and plan for next month's Holiday Bash, I boarded the 1/9 heading downtown. One stop later I heard a familiar voice say, "Nuh uh!" "Oh my God, Greg Gorman!" I replied disbelievingly. It is not so strange to think we could have run into each other. We were, after all, heading towards the same place. However, when looking at all the factors that had to have been "just so" in order for this to happen, it blows me away. I left work at the moment I did in order to board that specific train. Not only did I get on that train, but I entered the same car that Greg did and was in the same section of that car. What are the chances? You would think they were slim to none, but not in New York. Here, it happens ALL the time. Crazy! Link - 9:09 PM -   Friday, November 08, 2002 Part of why I love working in Rockefeller Center is the Channel Gardens and the ice skating rink. Now that the drought in New York is officially over, the fountains for both are flowing once more. I forgot how much they add to the vibe around here---things just weren't quite the same without them. Viva la Agua! Best conversation overheard today: Guy #1: Let's go to lunch. Guy #2: Can't. I'm going to the chiropractor. Guy #1: Great! Have them line up your brain with your mouth. Link - 9:08 PM -