If you like comedy, PR or the occasional inside scoop on the entertainment world, then drop by for a daily dose written by me, Kambri Crews, producer and publicist to comedians and more!   Tuesday, December 30, 2003 Holiday Greetings Yesterday I received the first note from my incarcerated father since last May. He’s been busy, I guess. It was a Hallmark Christmas card. The front read, “God made all the nights and days and all the world to sing His praise.” The inside read, “The very sweetest song on earth once brought the news of Jesus’ birth – And as we sing His praise today, may you be blessed in every way.” Then my dad wrote a warm and fuzzy Christmas note in his “deaf speak” handwriting that included this sentence, “I had been [in] solitary confinement four times since April for fighting with n*ggers cause me mad because stealings – all offenders are haters, thief, jealous, etc.” Don’t you just want to pinch his cheeks he’s just so cute? You know you want him as a prison pen pal for the new year. Don't lie. --Kambri Come on, he did care enough to send the very best! Link - 4:32 PM -   Monday, December 29, 2003 Penalty Box I wish work were more like sports. There should be a referee watching all action and properly penalizing people when they foul a co-worker. Some examples: * Not replacing staples – 5% docked pay; * Not refilling the copier with paper – Mandatory overtime without pay; * Leaving the copier jammed – Forced conversation with mentally challenged mail guy; * Using speakerphones on full volume with office door open – No vacation . . . ever; * Using the center stall in the bathroom unnecessarily – Death; --Kambri Just a suggestion. Link - 2:34 PM -   Monday, December 15, 2003 Things to Do and See Watch Christian as an investigative reporter on Smoking Gun TV premiering this Wednesday at 8:30 PM on Court TV as he uncovers the truth behind the Girls Gone Wild litigation. Encore performances are Friday and Sunday nights, so check your local listings. Since you'll need cable television, go out and get you some and bring yourself forth into this century. If you missed it, you can see Addicted for free on Wednesday the 17th at 8:00PM. Follow the instructions from the last offer listed below and enjoy the show. --Kambri Kambri Crews Promotions, hmmm, nice ring. Link - 8:38 PM -   Sunday, December 14, 2003 Weekend Update Since I've been working on a re-design of my website (as I hinted at during my funk the last two months), I've been too busy to write anything interesting. Instead I'll just bullet point some things: (1) The 4: Your Consideration Art Series event was well-attended considering the time of year. We had about the same size crowd as the first one, but this time, everyone who attended received two free tickets to see 42nd Street on January 22nd. Nice. The Belt Theatre is a neat space and the people there are top notch. (2) Addicted, Mark Lundholm's one man show, was great. Greater still were the free tickets and being able to spread the wealth to all my friends. I'm still in love with the Zipper Theatre. I would love to put on a big show there. One day, one day. (3) Somebody should take my credit card away. (4) I'm in the midst of another little home improvement project. I am high from staining a drop leaf table and waiting for it to dry before I polyurethane it. Christian is on his way over to help me mount it to the wall before we eat dinner and watch the Survivor finale. It will be so nice to have a table on which to eat. Now I just need some placemats and napkins and a hanging light and . . . see #3 above. (5) I was in Williamsburg for Cofounder's fundraiser and became very annoyed by two grungy little hippie types. They were dancing big and drawing undeserved attention to themselves and they smelled like shit. I wanted to tell them, "You know what? You're not making a statement, you just stink and look like an asshole." Everyone else there was great and the music of The Izzys and Dufus was terrific. I would see the former again definitely and the latter if they ditched their smelly, megalomaniac of a keyboardist. (6) If you're ever in the Garmet District or go to Madison Square Garden for anything and need a quiet, quaint little restaurant, I highly recommend Napoli Trattoria. There doesn't seem to be much info on the web about this little place, so their secret isn't out. It's extremely affordable and the service was very attentive without being annoying. Their cuisine is listed as "pizza", but it has a full italian menu. Okay, time to hang up that table. --Kambri Busy, busy beaver. Link - 5:43 PM -   Monday, December 08, 2003 Above Average Joe! Don't get me wrong, I'm not obsessed with this show, Average Joe, but I am ticked off. Apparently Mr. Average Joe was hiding a million dollar secret. The chick is now positively giddy. She hasn't stop talking about it. News flash: If the "average" guy is a self-made millionaire, he ain't average. Viewers got the shaft. $42,228 is the U.S. median household income! Do as I say! Go see Bad Santa. --Kambri Do it! Link - 5:39 PM -   Friday, December 05, 2003 Oh, the Weather Outside is Frightful! This photo below was taken from my office window about two minutes before I left work, it's practically a white out! Rockefeller Center --Kambri Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! Link - 4:09 PM -   Thursday, December 04, 2003 Reunions My XX year high school reunion is approaching. This can't be the case. I simply cannot be old enough to attend. After all, I am still extremely immature and make hhhhuuggee mistakes expecting to be forgiven due to my youth and inexperience. I just stirred my vanilla ice cream and syrup into chocolate soup fergodsake! --Kambri Wetting my bed tonight. Link - 11:11 PM -   Tuesday, December 02, 2003 More on Belle and a Man of Steel While playing Belle, I felt much like Princess Di on her wedding day. There I stood on a balcony edge, waving, waving, waving, smiling, smiling, smiling, eyes bright, not blinking, just posing. At one point, I spontaneously picked up a young child named Annie with no intention of hurling her off the balcony. Yes, it was quite touching. She was cute and very enamored by me. What can I say, I was stunning. There was only one kid, a girl not Annie sweet but instead jaded and pissy, who really ticked me off with her claims of my being a fraud and insisting to all that I was, in fact, wearing a wig. She suffered death by an accidental fall off the giant Toys R’ Us ferris wheel, but only in my mind. “Listen, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Mrs. Potts did my hair and I think it’s quite lovely. If you have a problem with it, go see her.” With that, little jerkface pissypants went off in search of the conveniently absent Mrs. Potts. Ha ha, I win! In addition to me and my Beast, there was a young thin man posing as Superman. His thin one-piece outfit was too short and therefore exposed much too much of what Superman doesn’t wear under his briefs. Quite pornographic for a children’s party, I should say, so I reveled in the awkward wrongness of the whole situation as he crouched down beside youngsters getting his photo snapped. Beast and I had a good hearty laugh in the Green Room wondering how great it would be if Superman popped a woody. Whatever they paid him for his night, it wasn’t enough. --Kambri Male toe is just plain wrong. Link - 5:24 PM -