If you like comedy, PR or the occasional inside scoop on the entertainment world, then drop by for a daily dose written by me, Kambri Crews, producer and publicist to comedians and more!   Monday, May 31, 2004 Ambition or Desperation? Am I really ambitious or just propelled by a desperate attempt to never have days like today? Schlepping dirty panties in the rain to the laundromat past packs of hoodlums, loose garbage and graffiti seemed to be motivation enough. Did I need to then be faced with 10 dryers marked "out of order" with the remaining 8 fully occupied with 30 plus minutes left on each to make sure that I try harder at getting new clients for Ballyhoo Promotions? No, not really, but it worked. I came home angry that at nearly 33 years of age I have to use a laundromat and kicked it into gear. I organized the hell out of my inbox, filing cabinet, closet, junk drawer, panty drawer, sock drawer, under the drawer, behind the drawer, behind the dresser, beneath the bed, blah, blah, blah. Then those aforementioned hoodlums started burning the aforementioned loose garbage and used a bat to propel burning masses of trash through the air and all that aforementioned organization looked so blurry through tears. So, I ate a pint of Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk, drank two beers and watched some mindless reality television show. But my drawers are clean. All of them. --Kambri I will afford drop off laundry service one day. Mark my words! Link - 9:06 PM -   Sunday, May 30, 2004 Shocking News -- Men Cheat HOW I LURED SIX CHEATING HUBBIES INTO MY WEB TRAP by Heather Gilmore appeared in today's NY Post. She placed an ad on Craig's List looking for a discreet affair. She says she got 320 total responses and "The first reply to my post came in 22 seconds. Within a half-hour, I had 80 cheats to choose from - over half were happy to send pictures of themselves into cyberspace." They tried the counter method as well, "A male colleague posted a similar message seeking married women that did not attract a single reply." It is mainly for realities like the above that I really don't believe in marriage. Yet in less than a week, I will be in Anguilla attending a beachside wedding. I attend these ritualistic farces, even those held in cold climates, for some reason and it's not so I can drop money on airfare, hotel, new dress and gift for the couple.* I feel like such a hypocrite sitting quietly by when asked if anyone objects to the union. I do! Err, I don't! Umm, I object! --Kambri *It must be the open bar. Link - 1:12 PM -   Friday, May 28, 2004 Stereotypes abound in our world. That's just the way it is. Even though I'm blonde (some days more than others), I never really feel like I'm battling the dumb blonde cliche. I may act goofy and joke at my own expense, but I'm relatively well spoken, accomplished and a quick thinker (if I do say so myself). Annnnywayyyy, my point is, we all work against stereotypes of ourselves that sometimes we don't even know exist. For instance, I'm getting to know a new bunch of people in our new office digs and here is a conversation that transpired: Her, referencing a cookie: "Oh, I used to love these when I was a kid." Me: "What are they?" Her: "Oh, you didn't get these? They were big down south." Me: "We were poor, so we really didn't get many treats." Guy: "Yeah, right." I'm not sure why it was so impossible for him to believe, but I found myself wanting to dispel whatever myth he had dreamed up about who I was and from where I came. Maybe it's because of the recent essay I wrote that it is so fresh to me now, whereas before I doubt I would have mentioned having gone without -- but I wanted him to know, "No, seriously, I'm just white trash in disguise." So maybe as Amber commented on the May 24th entry below, my story is just too unbelievable to make any use of it. Hmmph. --Kambri Dammit, I have witnesses and photos to prove it! Link - 6:16 PM -   Thursday, May 27, 2004 Red Carpet Photo Here's a pic of my friend Keith & I on the red carpet for that party we attended on May 7th. I've walked the red carpet before, but never have I seen a picture that had been taken. I always assumed they were "round filed". I'm not ashamed to admit that I like seeing it. --Kambri Link - 12:25 PM -   Tuesday, May 25, 2004 Sob Stories with host Christian Finnegan TUESDAY, JUNE 1, 2004 The Marquee 356 Bowery (btwn Great Jones & E. 4th St) 8:00 PM $5.00 - NO drink minimum! This month's theme: Their Painful Adolescence Join host Christian Finnegan and featured guests Colin Quinn (Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn), Ed Helms (The Daily Show with Jon Stewart), Tom Shillue (Premium Blend) and Lynne Koplitz (Change of Heart) as they share their sadly hilarious accounts of their painful adolescence. --Kambri Kick A Line Up! Link - 1:02 PM -   Monday, May 24, 2004 A Little Something I Wrote Glamour Magazine recently held a contest asking readers to submit "The Story of Your Life" in 3,000 words or less. Here is my entry. Disclaimer: I wrote it at a frenzied pace in order to meet the deadline. In about two days I had a decent rough draft, but had to scramble to find an ending. I did, but I would have liked to have made it more fleshed out. I think it's a good jumping off point, however, to writing a really awesome play, screenplay, one woman show, book, something, anything. So many juicy stories had to get dropped in order to stay under the word limit, but I have a decent skeleton on which to add meat. I had it hand delivered the day of the deadline along with the requested self-addressed stamped envelope so they could inform the entrant of receipt of their entry. That was nearly one month ago and I haven't received my confirmation. So, I present it to you. --Kambri The story of the four lesbians dressed as the members of Kiss will have to wait. Link - 9:24 AM -   Friday, May 21, 2004 Only in New York Four days into my first week in my new office location on the 29th Floor of a different Rockefeller Center building and this is what has happened in less than 24 hours: A fire broke out on the ground floor. The building was evacuated using only stairwell "B" as stairwell "A" was fully contaminated with smoke. The door to stairwell "A" has a sign taped to it that says "Warning! Open carefully and slowly due to strong wind currents." Perhaps this is why it was contaminated with smoke? Comforting. Real comforting. A guy was shot in broad daylight right in front of Christian's building which is about one street block from my building. Lorraine Bracco & Candice Bergen were on the scene (they were participating in the "Commander for a Day" program). Click here for the complete article. The Daytime Emmys are being held across the street. Anti-war protesters are conducting a demonstration in Rock Center. --Kambri Sometimes, I just don't need any excitement. Link - 5:52 PM -   Thursday, May 20, 2004 Press This article by Doug Chandler, in which I am prominently featured, was published in today's paper. It's all about bloggers and blogging and blogs in Queens. It's a nice article and I'm grateful to Doug for not trashing my good name. Umm. Yeah. --Kambri Read it. Link - 2:31 PM -   Wednesday, May 19, 2004 Miss Manners Lesson 519 Omarosa (yes, THE Omarosa) was at TGIFridays on 5th Avenue. That place is quite possibly the worst dining experience one could ever have in NYC for lunch, and there she was at dinner time. She breezed in with a twenty-something man in a baseball cap. A couple of equally Caucasian people joined them a while later. As awful as she was / is, she deserves better than TGIFridays. Why would I be at TGIFridays, you ask? Well, I had gone to celebrate my office move and imbibe in happy hour. As I told the bartender, the 5th Avenue TGIFriday is the worst lunch one could ever possibly ask for (he agreed), but their happy hour is unbeatable (he doubly agreed). Especially when the weather is nasty like it was today and the Rink Bar in Rockefeller Center is, therefore, not an option. Their normally priced $8.00 margarita morphs into an affordable $2.75 looking glass into your coworkers' lives. The motives for what the mail guy does becomes so very clear when draft beer is only $2.00 and he quickly slugs down three before the clock strikes 7:00 and full price kicks in. Suddenly you know everything you never wanted to know about so-and-so, and, let me tell you, it ain't pretty. Omarosa talked on her cell phone the entire time. Her dinner partners all talked among themselves. She would, on occasion, distract herself from her phone to request something of the waitstaff, but never actually engage in what was really happening arround her. The exception was when she posed for a photo. It seemed like I had it all wrong: TGIFridays deserved better. --Kambri Talking on a cell phone at a dinner table -- yes, even at the worst TGIFridays in the world (the food, not the service) -- is abominable. Don't do it. Ever. Love, Miss Manners. Link - 5:48 PM -   Tuesday, May 18, 2004 Gospel of Jack Jack to the oddly large chested* assistant upon hugging her goodbye, "Hey, they are real!" *Very skinny physique, yet with disproportionate, grapefruit-shaped "breasts" lodged firmly in place. --Kambri Unpacked as of 4:00 PM. Link - 5:47 PM -   Saturday, May 15, 2004 Happy Hour at Open and The Donkey Show The Gotham Knights' fundraiser went well . . . seamless, in fact. No glitches, everyone had a great time and they made a tidy sum for their non-profit organization. All in all, another success for Ballyhoo Promotions. The next event is Sob Stories on June 1st with Colin Quinn (Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn), Ed Helms (The Daily Show With Jon Stewart) and Lynne Koplitz (Change of Heart). --Kambri Be there! Link - 5:46 PM -   Friday, May 14, 2004 Moving Postponed Not enough boxes arrived, so my office move is postponed. You know what that means? I get to move over the weekend. Nice. It's actually exciting to move with Jack. It's a reinvigorating feeling. Change is good; very, very good. Here's a pic taken by the lovely Jae Ha Kim in the green room at the Today Show. See how Matt is trying to weasel into the picture? When I have a moment to breathe, maybe I'll post the rest on my Photos page. --Kambri Tired. Link - 5:43 PM -   Thursday, May 13, 2004 Happy Hour (and a half) Tomorrow Night: Free admission, cash bar cocktail hour from 7:00 to 8:30 at Open located at 559 W. 22nd Street with a $6 Cosmo drink special -- just look for me or ask for the Gotham Knights Rugby group. No, I don't play rugby but gay men do. Go figure. Raffle prizes (Comedy club passes, tickets to Sob Stories, an FDNY gift bag and two tickets to Bare:A Pop Opera, etc.), and fun on a Friday night! Proceeds benefit the non-profit organization Gotham Knights Rugby Football Club. In Other News My muse, Jack, resigned from his law firm. Tex in the City lost its space for the reading on the 24th. Luckily, with just over a week before the event, I secured a great little space at Under St. Marks for the event. Mark it. --Kambri Moving tomorrow. Link - 5:40 PM -   Sunday, May 09, 2004 Red Carpet Ride Friday night, I went to an HBO Films / Premiere Magazine party being held all weekend at Soho 323 to coincide with the Tribeca Film Festival. Walking the red carpet is always fun, but I wonder if the photogs are just pretending to take my picture shoutin, "Over here! Look here! Big smile, squeeze in tight," whilst thinking "This bitch is a nobody. I'm saving my film!" Fake flash, fake flash, get her into the party, end scene. Mario Van Peebles was the big celeb attendee. Born in '57, he didn't let that stop him from "working it". Surreal to watch a 50 year old black man dancing like a cowboy -- he was just missing some hayseed. You've got to admire his stamina and ability to look hip and young at the same time. "Black don't crack" indeed, my friend. At some point, I think I would just get tired. For instance: Thursday night into Friday I had pulled an all-nighter, got to the Today Show by 6:30AM, put in a full day at work and then went to this party. But I'm only 32, and it practically killed me. I'm still recovering. For example, I only had sex three times this weekend. I must be losing it, and by "it" I mean my memory. I only remember doing it twice. That pic of Mario freaks me out, too. He looks just like my dad if my dad were black, didn't wear that hat and had a skinnier nostrils. I suppose he would have to shave that soul patch and maybe put his eyes closer together, but really . . . there is a resemblance. Trust me.* Carol Burnett & Friends I miss her and her friends. I watched about 8 hours of a 48 hour marathon on TVLand and marveled at how many I remembered and just how great her show was. Such good natured satire -- clean fun. Twenty five years have flown by and I still love her like we just met yesterday. Fuck SNL. --Kambri *It's the smile. Uncanny. But Mario's smile is a bit wider and bigger and his bottom lip is different and my dad has more of a dimpled effect than the lines, but it is there, I'm telling you. Mario Van Peebles looks just like my dad! Link - 5:36 PM -   Friday, May 07, 2004 The Today Show So, Friends is over and so is Christian's week on The Today Show. I guess I'll have to start buying my own breakfast now. Here's a couple of pics I took this morning: --Kambri Huge Jackson says hello. Link - 5:31 PM -   Thursday, May 06, 2004 Oy, Deaf People! Me: So, you want me to give a message from you to Hugh Jackman tomorrow? Mom: Huge Jackson? Sure! Me: No, Hugh Jackman. Mom: Oh, Hugh Jackson! Yeah! Here, let me ask Grandma. (She then signs / whispers) You want to tell Hugh Jackson something? You know, from "Leopold and something"? Me: Kate and Leopold. Mom: Yeah, that's right. But I don't want an autographed picture. I don't wanna start collecting those things. I guess Bob's was enough for her. Diva! --Kambri Hugh Jackman will never know. Link - 5:29 PM -   Wednesday, May 05, 2004 Enjoy The Donkey Show at Club El Flamingo at a discount one night only on Friday, May 14, 2004. Tickets are $30 each which is 25% off the normal price! Doors at Club El Flamingo open at 8:30. Dance the night away with the classic sounds of the disco era as the cast of The Donkey Show sings the story of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream with such hits as "Ring My Bell," "Car Wash," "You Sexy Thing," and so much more. To purchase your tickets for this great evening of fun, email C. Brian Devinney at brian@646guy.com or visit www.ballyhoopromotions.net/Events.htm to pay via PayPal. If you are really in the mood to party, join us at 7:30 at a pre-show cocktail hour at Open located at 559 W. 22nd Street with a $6 Cosmo drink special -- just for us! All proceeds benefit the non-profit organization Gotham Knights Rugby Football Club. Visit www.gothamrfc.org for information. --Kambri Party time! Link - 5:27 PM -   Tuesday, May 04, 2004 Tomorrow and Friday I'll join Christian as his publicist -- as opposed to as his girlfriend -- for his appearance on The Today Show. Tomorrow's spot will be at 9:35, Friday's time is to be determined. Watch him, mofo. I'll try to snag a picture or two or ten. --Kambri Earning my fee. Link - 5:26 PM -   Monday, May 03, 2004 Reminder Tomorrow marks the 3rd Sob Stories. Please come join us -- we need your support this time as Time Out NY neglected to list us. Eek! Click here for the details. Oh, and we've added Eddie Pepitone to the line up. He was most recently on "King of Queens" but most folks know him from "Last Comic Standing". --Kambri Come on, it'll be fun! Link - 5:23 PM -   Sunday, May 02, 2004 Set Your TiVos, People Christian will be a panelist on the Today Show tomorrow, Monday, May 3rd through Friday, May 7th. Watch him be witty and gay as he discusses the "cultural impact" of Friends as it nears the end of its 10 year run. Approximate airtime is 9:05 AM each morning. --Kambri The FCC just might meet their quota this week. Link - 5:22 PM -   Saturday, May 01, 2004 Mohegan Sun I just spent the last two days traveling to and from Mohegan Sun and gambling a tad bit. Indian casinos rule. There were three, yes THREE, Krispy Kremes throughout the premises. I'm exhausted and surprisingly not broke. Perhaps it is because my wallet is tighter than a flea's ass. Mmm, tiiiiiight. I don't know when I became so a-scared of losing. --Kambri Maybe it's my $1,100 a month rent that's due today. Link - 5:18 PM -