If you like comedy, PR or the occasional inside scoop on the entertainment world, then drop by for a daily dose written by me, Kambri Crews, producer and publicist to comedians and more!   Monday, June 27, 2005 You Snooze, You Lose 24 hours back and already too busy to type properly. There's a lot of hodge podge in this post. Sorry. Got my accumulated vacation mail which included a birthday card from My Jailed Deaf Dad. It's awesome: Cover: "Birthday Wishes" Inside: "If flowers were wishes that could come true, I'd pick the biggest bouquet for you. Have a Great Birthday" Then he hand wrote: "34 years old. June 21st? or 22? Love Dad P.S. Hello Christian Be bad boy. Ha (Joking)" What's he saying here? You're old. When's your birthday exactly? And, oh yeah, tell your boyfriend to get crazy (just kidding, kind of). My dad rules. Seriously, I find this card exceedingly charming. Here's the most unintentionally ironic card he ever wrote. Moving on... Rule of 3 Productions has completed casting for their Fringe Festival production. Here's the website for the show: www.thisisntworking.com. The fundraising party -- band, quiz show, stand up and more -- is confirmed for August 1st at Siberia from 6:30 to 10:30. Save the date and time. Gift bag contributions and raffle prizes are needed, so if you have any ideas or tips, please send them my way. Tomorrow in DC, Christian will headline at the Progressive Student Initiative Launch Party. After all the help getting him this gig, I miss the darn thing and the opportunity to tag along during the tour of the Senate offices, meetings with various VIPs and his performance, of course. After reading that slutty book (see somewhere below...no time to make a silly link to yesterday that no one will follow), I made sure to book him on a prompt return flight. In truth, he wanted to be home in time to perform at the final comedy show EVER at the Ye Olde Tripple Inn, a dumpy dive of a place where so many famous people have bombed dreadfully. Hosted by the lovely Susie Felber and featuring too many amazing talents to mention. Join us, won't you? Here's Susie's post with much better info and here's a nice tribute by their pal Eric Drysdale. Part time gig update: First fundraiser for a congressman is set for the 18th of July. Don't know anyone's name or how anyone operates. Oof. Met a million people today and *maybe* two smiled. The woman who took me around showing me various things of importance (bathroom, kitchen, hanging rope) was very pleasant. Her office pal "Aria", to whom I was introduced earlier, gave the woman a surprise coffee tea treat dessert thing. Nice. Well, nice for the woman. Never in a million years would I give a treat to someone right next to another someone without giving that other someone a treat, too. Or maybe a mortified, "Oh, I'm sorry! I should have gotten you something." I bet she's a center stall user, too. But there's free juice of amazing varieties and I'm two subway stops closer to home. That's a 20 minute commute folks. --Kambri 20 minute commute in New York Freaking City! Link - 10:44 PM -   Sunday, June 26, 2005 The Girl is Back in Town I am void of all wittiness and am sorry to introduce a new post with such a cheesey (or is it "cheesy"?) title. But, it is true, I am back in town and I am a girl...albeit slightly older. I'm immensely relaxed at this very moment. I ended my last day in Turks & Caicos with my very first manicure ever -- a very generous birthday gift from Christian's stepbrother and sister-in-law. I am so exhausted and anxious to get started on my new full time Ballyhoo Promotions business. Tomorrow I will take my newly transformed and beautiful fingernails to a sweet PT gig I scored. Wish me luck. Remember my last trip to the Caribbean? And that sea turtle? Well, this time Christian and I actually swam with two sea turtles (pretty sure they were Hawksbills) for the longest time. They seemed content to eat off the ocean floor as we hovered above staring at their awesome beautugliness. Every so often they would join us at the top to collect a few gulps of air before diving back to the bottom. Never could I imagine being so close to something that big in the water without hyperventilating or scrambling back to shore. But they were immensely peaceful and seemingly without care...except for the time I swear the bigger of the two gave me a death stare and I grabbed Christian's swimming trunks in an effort to pull him away from certain "danger." They certainly distracted from the coolness factor of seeing a really large starfish. Starfish are weird and beautiful and complicated but boring. I stared at the thing intensely and am not certain it ever moved intentionally. I bought two of his dead cousins to display in my bathroom. I don't know why. Read Washingtonienne in a matter of *maybe* five hours and enjoyed it. It's a perfect beach book and sadly reminded me of a familiar time in my life in Columbus minus the drug use and threesomes and self-rationalized prostitution. Never read the original blog and don't know a whole hell of a lot about any of it really but knew it was a scandolous sex tale of DC and figured it'd be great for the beach except for only being available in hardcover and autographed but for the same price as any old other copy. It is a great beach read in that I never felt so consumed by it that I would lose sight of what great gifts were around me. It certainly never made me horny or crave another life...so maybe not such a great beach book. Blah, blah, good lord I have no attention span right now. Promptly picked up the Tipping Point and finished it in nearly six hours. An excellent, quick read for anyone interested in epidemics of all types -- social, marketing, etc. T&C is extremely tourist-y, hyper-expensive and is being over-developed at a seemingly rapid pace. I doubt I would go back except for the non-stop direct flight. Boy that's a treat. Also, I've had some of the most amazing meals in my life -- ever. Anacoana is simply not to be missed. Trust me on this one. New York prices ($$$$) which was fine with me, but I feel sorry for the tourists in from Small Town America when they see the tags on a tiny piece of tuna or grouper. Snorkeling -- my favorite leisure activity aside from ass thumping Mr. Finnegan at match after match of Scrabble -- is great in Coral Gardens (see above re: starfish and sea turtles as well as sting rays and, of course, coral) but it does require taking a cab or boat ride here or there ($$) and, hence, the added cost equipment rental ($). Like most Caribbean islands and definitely Mexico, there are issues with wild dogs. I was thrilled and touched and, perhaps, too moved by the plight of Potcakes (dogs are/were fed caked up leftovers at the bottom of a stew pot called the "pot cake") that I set out to find out how to either adopt one or donate money. Sadly, no one from the TCSPCA even returned our calls. They have no website to link to or hours of operation or a freaking address. I should have contacted the Potcake Foundation. Those precious beasts make my throat hurt. We re-watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind on the flight back and I fell in love all over and over and over again with my super guy. --Kambri Link - 10:08 PM -   Wednesday, June 22, 2005 Happy Birthday To Me! Christian whisked me off to Turks & Caicos to celebrate on the beach in vegetative style. --Kambri Be back all too soon... Link - 8:48 AM -   Monday, June 20, 2005 Are you in DC? If so, be sure to attend the Progressive Student Initiative's Launch Party in Washington DC where Christian will be making a special appearance along with distinguished Senators and Congressmen. --Kambri Link - 8:54 PM -   Sunday, June 19, 2005 Ballyhoo Newsletter The June 19th Newsletter is up. --Kambri Come out, come out where ever you are! Link - 11:59 PM -   Saturday, June 18, 2005 First Day Report I updated Christian's Media Page to include scans of his last two FLIcK's pieces. He also posted a special item of bits cut by the editors of FLIcK. I updated my Press Page to include the best/most recent additions. Although, I guess I should add the USA Today hit. Anyyyywayyyyy... My new client is an amazing talent and nationally syndicated cartoonist Francesco ("Ces") Marciuliano (Sally Forth, Medium Large, Drink at Work.com). Ces has fabulous partners in his wife Carol Hartsell and former co-worker Jeff Jowdy. Collectively the three make up Rule of 3 Productions. Rule of 3 has been accepted to this year's New York International Fringe Festival with their original collection of four short comedies about serious job dissatisfaction. All four were written by Ces and are collectively known as This Isn't Working. Jeff will serve as director and Carol as producer. Each play focuses on people defined by their careers but still looking for meaning in their lives...or just an excuse to ditch it all for teaching. This Isn't Working is about the ideas we don't share in brainstorming sessions, the goals we don't discuss in year-end reviews and the people we don't ever want to see outside of the office. Blurb from the Fringe: For anyone who's been told "Sick days are for the weak" comes "This Isn't Working," Rule of 3's production of short comedies written by the nationally syndicated cartoonist behind "Sally Forth" and drawn from the merger between professional crisis and personal hell. We hope to see you at their fundraiser tenatively scheduled for August 1st at Siberia and featuring live comedy, a band, raffle prizes and more. The dates, times & location of the live performance of This Isn't Working has yet to be scheduled by the Fringe. Once set, you'll be the first to know, so check back soon. Meanwhile, enjoy this Medium Large comic (click on it to scan the archives). --Kambri Link - 9:03 AM -   Friday, June 17, 2005 Today marks my first day of self-employment. I've only had one or two brief moments of fear. Not of failure overall but about one new client in particular. More on that later. Meanwhile... Get your free download of the latest issue of FLIcK Magazine. This issue is all about Batman Begins and features a hilarious piece by Christian Finnegan in which he describes the lesser-known gadgets found on Batman's utility belt. --Kambri Except for some brat who has been screaming non-stop for four hours, my home office rules. Link - 11:31 AM -   Thursday, June 16, 2005 And Introducing...Bob Finnegan! In honor of Father's Day, Christian Finnegan and his father, Bob Finnegan, are hosting Friday Night Stand Up on Comedy Central on Friday, June 17th beginning at 8:30pm EST. We watched an advance cut and there is some genuinely hilarious stuff. His dad was a super-good sport and was pretty funny, too. So help Bob have an awesome Father's Day by watching him make his television debut. --Kambri Link - 11:16 AM -   Monday, June 13, 2005 Ballyhoo clients Ophira Eisenberg & Christian Finnegan were part of "Make Your Date Laugh," an article in Happen Magazine. Check it out here. --Kambri Good way to start the week. Link - 10:13 AM -   Sunday, June 12, 2005 Next Year Actually IS Now! The NY Mets Rule! Holy moly, did I see the best baseball game ever yesterday! Unbelievable! Guest of my friend Liam, I hopped on the 7 and prayed for sunshine. Thunder & lightening seemed to want to spoil our fun, but eventually the rain let up and the game started an hour and a half later than scheduled. The Angels were leading one nothing and the Mets were being outplayed. Then: -- Beltran stole a homerun to prevent the Angels from a big lead. Awesome, but then in the top of the 9th the Angels scored a run to make it a 2/1 game. Hmmph. BUT THEN...in the bottom of the 9th: -- Anderson tied the game with a freaking IN THE PARK HOMEFREAKINRUN! When do you EVER get to see that? In person?! Top the 10th the Angels score another run. Damn. Bottom of the 10th the Mets had a runner on 1st and 2nd with TWO outs. Floyd steps up and proceeds to get a full count. So it all comes down to this. BUT THEN!!!!! -- Floyd knocks the shit out of the park! A WALK-OFF HOMEFREAKINRUN! When do you EVER get to see that in person?! This is enough to make me become a sports broadcaster. F this Ballyhoo noise. Watch the videos of the three plays. --Kambri New Mets fan. For life. Link - 5:34 PM -   Wednesday, June 08, 2005 Best Week Ever All OVER the Place! Katie Couric loved the Best Week Ever bit (her exact words were, "This was fun! We should do this every week!"), so Christian will appear on the Today Show Friday at a time TBD. Don't forget, tomorrow, Thursday, June 9th is Best Week Ever Live! Here's the scoop: Caroline's 1626 Broadway 8:00PM Ticket price $22.50 Call 212.757.4100 for reservations. --Kambri Link - 4:48 PM -   Tuesday, June 07, 2005 In Entertainment Weekly The Hit List by Dalton Ross is worth the annual subscription price. He makes me laugh or gasp every time. --Kambri Link - 3:45 PM -   Monday, June 06, 2005 Cool! I can almost guarantee I will never be quoted in Time magazine. Christian can no longer say the same. --Kambri Not nearly as funny as his line quoted in EW but it is Time, after all. Link - 11:01 PM -   Goodbye, Jack After four years of working with Jack, I just submitted my resignation. I'll miss him and his inappropriate "gospel," but I'm devoting more time to myself and Ballyhoo. He was sad to see me leave but expressed happiness for me by saying, "Of course I'm excited for you. I wouldn't be a good friend if I weren't." Awesome. Here are some old posts of my favorite "Gospel of Jack" in no particular order: Me: Sorry I can't do lunch, I'm off to the Denist. Jack: That's okay, I'm just happy to hear you're getting drilled. I walked into Jack's office this morning not realizing he was on the phone. He gave me the "shush" sign and continued with his converstaion. "Sex parties?" Pause. "Do I have to bring my wife?" Pause. "Really?" Today is my first day in the office since last Wednesday. Upon seeing me, Jack screamed in agony, "THANK GOD YOU'RE BACK! Never in my whole life did I think I would be this happy to see one woman." Jack to Governor Ann Richards, a reformed alcoholic: "Hey lady, move out of the way, some people are trying to get a drink." Jack: Let's go to lunch. Guy: Can't. I'm going to the chiropractor. Jack: Great! Have them line up your brain with your mouth. Jack "negotiating" with an adverse party: "Do you see the words 'Charitable Contribution' after my name? Fu*k no!" Jack happened to walk up behind me just as I was holding my hands out trying to get a visual measurement of what is approximately two feet. Noticing my actions he quipped, "That's me before Viagra." After Jack made a lewd comment about a slightly chubby woman wearing an awkwardly small skirt in a voice loud enough she could hear, I asked Jack, "Have you ever been punched?" His reply? "Yeah. Once. In a boxing match." Jack to me on a particular cold day in the office: "Do you need a jacket, or, say, a bra?" A Summarized Story as Told by Jack: "Have you seen Jimmy's new joke? Jimmy has this letter written by a man whose wife ran off unexpectedly. In the letter he begs his wife to return to him. She writes back saying she won't be coming home as she is in Borneo and has found happiness and sends him a photo for proof. The picture shows her wrapped around a native with a schlong this big (gestures a size of about two feet long). So Jimmy has been running around the office showing everyone this joke. Can you believe that? In the office!? I mean, how juvenile! Grow up! But what I really want to know is, how did Jimmy get a picture of my di*k?" Recapping the events of a gala we attended the previous night, Jack and I shared these words: Jack: "You looked terrific, too, by the way." Me: "Thank you." Jack: "Even my wife kept saying 'Kambri looks so glamorous,' and 'I didn't know Kambri was so glamorous.' I told her, 'See what regular sex can do for you? You ought to try it some time.'" After a long weekend, Jack came in declaring, "Put away the women, children, goats and sheep, I'm back after a weekend with my wife!" Actual cell phone conversation with Jack: Me: "You're echoing. We must have a bad connection. Can you move outside to get better reception?" Jack: "No, I'm in the bathroom." Mike: He's your typical smart, arrogant, smug guy. Jack: I can't stand people like that. I mean really, they think they know everything, they're high maintenance; I'm glad I don't know anyone like that. "Harvey is the luckiest man alive. His wife got kicked by a horse and died." "My pharmasict won't give me anymore Viagra till next week. Not that I need it or anything; it's more like a toy. I feel like I'm twelve years old again getting blow jobs at the Lincoln Tunnel. I can't get a blow job from my wife to save my life. So I cut the pill in half and give her the bigger piece, of course. Then I get a blow job and I'm like, "Blech!" So I put a bid in on Harvey's horse. Turns out Harvey's luckier than I thought, this horse is gonna fetch him millions!" --Kambri Onward and (hopefully) upward! Link - 12:52 PM -   Friday, June 03, 2005 Ballyhoo Newsletter Not officially mailed yet, but here's your advance copy. --Kambri Link - 12:24 AM -   Thursday, June 02, 2005 THURSDAY, JUNE 9TH - BEST WEEK EVER LIVE! Fresh from their Today Show appearance, VH1's hit show Best Week Ever is going live at Caroline's on Broadway for one night only! Starring Christian Finnegan (Chappelle's Show), Jessi Klein, Paul Scheer and Sherrod Small. See Best Week Ever's top panelists slice and dice their way through the week's big stories in pop culture. They won't have the crutch of basic cable production values -- it's nothing but raw nerve and sharp wit in this workshop production. Bring a prized pop-culture souveneir -- lunchbox, boardgame, keychain, clothing, etc. -- from your past to the show and let "Pop Culture Road Show" Expert Paul Scheer, and co-star co-appraisers, tell you how much your treasured item is worth. Don't miss this chance in New York before they hit the road. First stop on the Best Week Ever Live tour is this weekend in Nashville before they head off to Chicago. Caroline's 1626 Broadway 8:00PM --Kambri Call 212.757.4100 for reservations. Link - 11:17 PM -   Wednesday, June 01, 2005 ? Where the heck is everybody? No emails, no phone calls, nothing! --Kambri Link - 1:49 PM -