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If you like comedy, PR or the occasional inside scoop on the entertainment world,
then drop by for a daily dose written by me, Kambri Crews, producer and publicist to comedians and more!

Monday, October 31, 2005
Best Halloween Ever!
Among other things, I get to watch a parade!
--Kambri Not dressing up as anything.
Link - 7:55 AM -
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Busted!
The internet is great for so many reasons. One of them is catching your boyfriend cheating on you while on the road as evidenced by a photograph posted on a public site.
--Kambri Devastated.
Link - 6:43 PM -
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Maybelline made the BusyBunny.com site. Click here and scroll down to see her "entry".
Christian joined MySpace and is back to blogging on Tower of Hubris.
--Kambri
Link - 12:54 PM -
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Today I slept in till 9:30 thanks to a lot of drinking with Joe & Kevin and for a short time, Scott.
Then I got my usual two large coffees (regular) and chocolate covered donuts, let Maybelline out of her crate and got to work. I swear Maybelline is the best bunny in the land o' bunnies. She doesn't chew on wires, goes to her crate to make poo and pee, loves my dog...why did her owner take the cat but not Maybelline after we rescued them in NOLA? I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.
But back to the work, I started sending out this this press release for Hilarilogues, a new one man show (sort of) starring Andres du Bouchet. Did lots of boring web work and entry/organization of my multiple databases and, wow, where does the time go?
Since I've seen Christian for only 16 hours in the last two weeks, we're meeting for a late dinner at our favorite tiny eatery. So tiny it seats only 18 people and is aptly named L'il Bistro 33. Yum. He got back from a gig in Delaware but went straight in to the VH1 offices to tape some bits for this Friday's Best Week Ever. Christian has been traveling like a suitcase, so he hasn't been on the show much. I miss seeing his mug all over my tee vee when I'm home on Friday nights after my boo hoo session with Amy Grant's Three Gut Wrenchingly Sad Yet Happy Wishes.
Tomorrow's benefit at Gotham is sold out...over sold actually...all 400+ seats. So I'm sorry if you were hoping to buy tickets at the door because you're going to be turned away. There's always next time.
--Kambri
Link - 7:51 PM -
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Ballyhoo client Anthony DeVito penned an original item for Jest. Check it out.
--Kambri
Link - 1:15 PM -
Monday, October 24, 2005
Bryan called and invited Christian & me to see the taping of SNL. He wrote the opening sketch and would we like to see it? Catherine Zeta Jones will be there. But Christian was in Birmingham dealing with an irate drunken Marine so we opted to save it for another time. Being how the show changes from Friday to Saturday's rehearsal to the actual taping, we weren't sure if his sketch still made it on air and, if so, that it was still the opening spot. Indeed it was.
Crooks & Liars posted the video clip. Watch it here.
Congratulations to him on getting the prime sketch. Apparently the slot usually goes to a senior writer and Bryan was just hired this season.
--Kambri Even better news: Horatio Sanz was yanked from the Weekend Update!
Link - 2:56 PM -
Sunday, October 23, 2005
* Christian nearly got killed by a Marine while headlining at the Stardome in Alabama. Read his account.
 * Maybelline is, in fact, a Maybelline! Yay! My confidence is bolstered. Indeed I do know what testicles are be they the rabbit variety or not, and I did not, in fact, see any on her just as I suspected. I should never have listened to the naysayers. She gets spayed a week from Wednesday in a very quick out-patient procedure. She is in excellent health and is now running in circles on the living room shag.
* My ringworm is dissipating rapidly. My doctor never called so I applied Burt's Bees Res-Q Ointment a few times and it practically vanished overnight!
--Kambri
Link - 1:28 PM -
Friday, October 21, 2005
Touch-y Feel-y.
Right now my ringworm (see yesterday's entry) is an isolated spot on my left butt cheek. It isn't large and doesn't itch and I'm trying my damndest not to touch it, but it's amazing how often I find myself wanting to rub my own ass.
I set up a profile in My Space. I'm not sure how handy it will be but so far I'm digging it. Check it out. If you're on My Space, be my friend.
I have a ticket offer in the works for all you who missed SLUT! The Musical Wednesday night. You're gonna love this show, so stay tuned for a chance to see it for free.
--Kambri
Link - 1:54 PM -
Thursday, October 20, 2005
NOLA Journal Complete
Page 4 is here. I'm all cried out.
--Kambri
Link - 11:36 PM -
Vermin & Souveniers
Walking home from the subway last night I saw a rat run and dive into a bunch of bags of trash. No big deal. Another rat already in the pile jumped slightly at the new visitor. Again, no big deal. Just as I'm passing the trash another rat fled out from under the bags across my boot. HUGE BIG FU*KING DEAL! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHH!
I screamed, kicked the bags (???) and shouted into the phone at Christian, "A FU*KING RAT JUST RAN ACROSS MY FU*KING BOOT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHH!!"
The tiny old little Pakistani guy walking next to me just laughed and laughed.
This morning Christian and I laughed about it and how it wasn't THAT bad. After all, I could have had sandals on and that would have been unspeakably horrifying.
I raced home from work anxious to eat, shower and play with my animals. In the shower I confirmed what I suspected:
I have ringworm.
A souvenier from working in NOLA with the rescued animals.
I prepared dinner fretting that I've now given Paquita and Maybelline cooties. We're all going to have to be on antibiotics and how much is this going to cost and mabye it was Maybelline who gave it to us and OH MY GOD THERE'S A MOUSE AT MY FU*KING BARE FOOT IN MY FU*KING KITCHEN AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHH!!!
I need a drink.
--Kambri What the hell is happening?
Link - 8:23 PM -
My Ballyhoo client Andres du Bouchet turned in a helluva last showing of Naked Trampoline Hamlet last night. The Apiary reports complete with great action photos. This after a very nice plug by Gothamist.
My other company Tex in the City had a big free group night at Slut! The Musical which I found highly entertaining.
--Kambri
Link - 4:18 PM -
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
I'm a Writing Fiend
Page 1, Page 2 and Page 3 of my NOLA journal has been posted.
The latest Ballyhoo Newsletter is up as well.
--Kambri
Link - 10:31 AM -
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Somebody's Jealous
And her name is Paquita! She is in a royally foul mood. I even took her on TWO walks today. She has taken every toy and bit of food offered to Maybelline (see butt, right, click for larger view) and run off with them and any time I get on the floor to coax Maybelline into my lap, Paquita plops down first. If I try to move her, she growls at me. GROWLS. Punk.
Oh yeah, and Maybelline...might be a boy.
--Kambri Running intereference.
Link - 4:44 PM -
The Texas Department of Criminal Justice Reads my Mail!
I received a letter from my Jailed Deaf Dad. But it was not his first submission for our joint project to write a book about his life. No, instead it was a letter I sent him returned by the Texas Department of Criminal Justice marked as contraband because it contained content that falls under "Traffic and Trading". What?
I always knew they read my letters, but me? A trafficker? Are we not allowed to collaborate to write a book and get rich? Say it ain't so! My dad has high hopes for this venture. Per his last letter: "I know that we will be happy and comfortable life on easy working and traveling lots." So, I read the letter again to see how I fouled up.
And there it was in the first paragraph.
Back story: I purchased him envelopes and paper via Staples.com. He wrote to say he didn't actually need envelopes and joked that since they come 500 envelopes to a box that "It sounds like make me write a letter every day for 500 days. Ha." Apparently the TDCJ limits the number of envelopes you are allowed to have to 100 max per prisoner to prevent them from trafficking or gambling, so he had to get rid of them. Ever resourceful, he sold them for $3.00 per 100. The commissary sells them for $5.00 per 100. So he's saving his fellow inmates $2.00 per 100 and making a tidy sum. He asked me "Are you mad and upset about them? =( "
In my allegedly illegal first paragraph in response, I told him, "I don't care about the envelopes...they only cost me $4.00, so you are making a proift of $11 by selling them!!!" And, hence, my trafficking offense.
Luckily this means the book deal is still a go. I'll just tell him the money making scheme in sign language during my visit to his Hunstville prison in December.
--Kambri
Link - 12:44 PM -
Monday, October 17, 2005
Someone Gawker Stalked my Gawker Stalking
On the way home from picking up Maybelline, we were stopped at a red light at 1:45 AM at the convergence of 59th Street, Central Park South & Central Park West. I casually said, "Hmm, there's John Cusack." Christian replied, "Oh, yeah. That is him." Nothing spectacular, just a standard NYC star sighting. John was dressed in black cargo pants and hoodie and was talking to a woman pointing towards Columbus Circle as though he were describing directions. Then they both turned around and began walking together east on 59th. Not something I ever would normally think twice about, let alone write about, but then I just read Gawker. There was a Gawker Stalking of John Cusack last night in the same location talking to a woman but many hours earlier.
--Kambri Weird.
Link - 3:24 PM -
Naked Trampoline Hamlet (and other monologues)
This Wednesday marks your LAST chance to catch this clever show. It will be a taped performance, so please come out!
Off-beat and inventive comedian Andres du Bouchet has written a variety of very odd monologues. He will be presenting a more-cohesive-than-usual collection of his kooky soliloquies, including the provocatively titled Naked Trampoline Hamlet, making it a one man show of sorts.
OCTOBER 19, 2005 Under St. Marks 94 St Marks Place $10 ($7 students) Tix available at 212-868-4444 on smarttix.com, or at the door
Vist www.andresdubouchet.com for Andres' media kit, blog and his other appearances.
--Kambri
Link - 2:11 PM -
Maybelline Meets Paquita
Christian and I had a midnight rendezvous with my fellow volunteer, Steve. Steve was kind enough to drive NOLA refugee, Maybelline, to Princeton from the Pasado's Safe Haven triage center in Raceland, LA. Paquita was very excited and a little scared upon seeing our new family member. She wagged her tail and sniffed wildly and Maybelline didn't flinch a bit. She hopped right up to us and sniffed back just as furiously. This all transpired at 2:30 this morning, so the meeting was brief. This morning, Paquita didn't even get out of bed, so she must have forgotten about her new roommate. Was it a dream? Eventually she came in to my office to say good morning and then saw the cage. OH YEAH, WE HAVE A RABBIT! Return to frenzied mutual sniffing.
Sniffing out the Competition I opened the cage door to freshen Maybelline's alfafa supply and Maybelline hopped right up and tried to come out of her cage. Wow, she's not shy or skittish at ALL. Unfortunately, her paws slipped on the hardwood floor so she gave up on the effort. Today I will rabbit proof the house as best as I can and buy some cheap towels to lay around so she can venture around without slip sliding all over the place.
Interested in a rabbit for your home? This site is a great rabbit resource center with links to adoption sites, too.
--Kambri
Link - 8:13 AM -
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Sleep, Glorious Sleep!
I fell asleep on the couch last night watching my boyfriend/client Christian on TV midway through the new episode of Best Week Ever. I woke up at 11:49 this morning. That's a solid twelve and a half hours of much needed zzz's. I finally had a good animal dream, too. This time Paquita met Maybelline (who is en route from Louisiana to NYC as I type) and was curiously sniffing and play growling a bit. I separated the two even though Maybelline wasn't afraid and Paquita was wagging her tail excitedly and that was the extent of my dream. Stress free and new friendships forging. Ah, much better.
I added more NOLA pictures I captured off my video camera to my Flickr photo set. They include the newborn calf's first steps and the puppy to whom I taught three tricks (see right, click for larger image). I added a few yesterday as well and have been updating my captions, too.
--Kambri Do take a peek.
Link - 3:13 PM -
Friday, October 14, 2005
Good News / Bad News
First the good news: My favorite girl and her pal are going home! With their original owner! Yay!
The bad news: I won't be there to witness the reunion and probably won't ever see or hear from them again. I can live with that.
I received a call from Kate, a fellow volunteer. She and Lo were leaving for home today and were kind enough to give me an update after I commented on their blog to take care of her in my absence. They rock. [Read their blog and see their pics.]
I am so very tired today. I didn't sleep much last night. I tossed and turned and woke up every ten minutes worrying about animals, dreaming of them and wondering if I will actually get Maybelline.
I've had the same dream three times now...the first time was on my last night in Louisiana. I woke up from the dream and went to the bathroom. After falling back to sleep, the dream resumed right where it left off! In all of them, we have evacuated the animals to Oklahoma only to have tornados coming towards our building. I scoop up the Great Dane and carry him to safety. I cover him with my body to protect him but he doesn't like me keeping him pinned down and gives me a low growl. I try to explain that the situation is only temporary and that he is better off with me trapping him than if he were out loose but he struggles to break free. Then I wake up.
--Kambri I don't like that dream.
Link - 1:13 PM -
Thursday, October 13, 2005
In Other News
I PROMISE I'll post the remaining NOLA volunteer stories but first:
I have free pairs of tickets to the first four people to email me to go see Slut: The Musical on Wednesay, October 19th.
I'm going to a Saturday Night Live rehearsal sometime soon. Our friend Bryan is writing for SNL beginning with this season, but I got the tickets myself through another source. It will be great to see Bryan there in action, and I'll be sure to BOO loudly when Horatio Sanz aka Horatio Sans Humor rolls out on the stage. He's dreadful.
My client Andres has one more performance of Naked Trampoline Hamlet on the 19th. Paper Magazine plugged it and you should see it.
Christian will be in the January issue of Stuff Magazine hitting stands in December, because magazines are silly that way.
--Kambri
Link - 10:35 PM -
Our New Addition (Hopefully!)
This beautiful bunny was found with a cat. The owner is reclaiming the cat but surrendered this gorgeous, social butterfly. I have NO idea why! I tried to bring her home but American doesn't allow rabbits to fly. A volunteer from NJ is kindly driving her back to me and she'll be home by Sunday night!
Both eyes have perfect black rings around them and she greets me at her cage by hopping straight to me and sitting up on her hind legs. She loves alfalfa and didn't mind it when I would bring a dog up to her cage as a test to see how she would do with Paquita. I also began gently testing putting a harness on her. My hope is that by Spring she'll be used to wearing one so she can enjoy walks in Central Park. Christian said, "Oh, so now I have to decide which to walk...either a bunny or a chihuahua?" My poor boyfriend.
What should I name her?
UPDATE: We have a winner! Thanks to a private email from a reader named Kat, I have a name for my bunny: Maybelline. Perfect! It looks like she's wearing Maybelline mascara AND she'll have her own theme song courtesy of Chuck Berry.
--Kambri Email me or leave your suggestions in my comments, please!
Link - 3:54 PM -
Hairless Wonder
Lookie here...his hair is growing back!
Link - 12:52 PM -
Back in the New York Groove
Flight delays didn't stop us from making it home from NOLA. New photos are uploaded on Flickr. I'm beat, literally and figuratively, so captions to come tomorrow.
A baby calf was born. I hand fed a deer. The four baby kittens went to a foster home. Bloody Mary's from you won't guess where. Another reunion. And goodbye drinks.
--Kambri Yes, that is a Kiss reference in the title.
Link - 1:29 AM -
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Last Day
Today is our last day of working -- tomorrow will be driving and flying back home. I don't have much time to write or post photos but a quick note of the events of yesterday. The Sheriff came by. He was wearing cowboy boots. (!) He dropped off loads and loads of fresh laundry (towels, blankets, etc. that we use for the dog's crates). I asked, "Did you do all this?" He said, "No. The warden had somebody do it."
Ah...well, I hope the inmates felt good about helping the animals. I folded about 8 bags worth of linens and then went back to my dog walking duties.
I also participated in my first reunion. Two young girls drove all the way from Birmingham to pick up their 10 year old chow. The chow, Peaches, looks terrible because of a bite she got on her left ear. The vet had a shunt in place to help drainage (click photo for enlarged view) but took it out so they could take home their "sister". I'll tell more later, but it was sweet. And, believe it or not, no tears were shed!
--Kambri Off to work.
Link - 7:25 AM -
Monday, October 10, 2005
Update from NOLA
NOLA pics updated and descriptions added to most!
I'm sitting poolside and sipping a Corona, slight sunburn on my shoulders. Sounds delicious normally but you should see me...nay, smell me. Vacation this is not. It's just after midnight and we've just completed our third fourteen-hour day of working at the Pasado's Safe Haven triage center on a private ranch in Raceland, Louisiana. Yesterday, we sent 5 dogs to Vegas and another 15 animals left to various homes around the country. A lot of work and a very long day but I rewarded myself by playing with a four-month-old pitt bull and teaching him "sit" and "shake" in about 30 minutes. This morning, he semi-learned "down". By the end of my tenure, Paquita will look like chopped liver. His paperwork says his owner wants him, yet his owner hasn't checked in over a week. People keep saying he's mine and part of me thinks, "Yeah, I would totally love him better." But, really, he's not for me. He will be small for a pitt bull mix, but he is a chewer and a play biter and, well, he's not "it".
Today we vaccinated each and every animal with a distemper combo and rabies shot. Quite a task given that most of the dogs want to eat each other and here we are parading them in and out like tuna rolls on a sushi bar conveyor belt. But it went seamlessly and not a single one had an allergic reaction. Whew!
This hardly tells of our experience...mundane chatter about vaccines and walking dogs and scraping up poop. We are bonding with the animals. We try to pamper them in some small way. Keith likes to give them biscuits and extra walks to his favorites. I like to make sure they have a soft blanket for their bony frames and a toy to help fill their idle time. There are a few who desperately need to RUN -- off-leash -- for about twenty minutes a day. Unfortunately, they can't get that any time soon. We have our favorites and will be sure to post their photos soon.
The highlight, for Keith especially, was the dinner we were catered courtesy of two friends, women whose birthdays are just days apart. One lives in Oklahoma and the other in Colorado and they joined forces to ask their friends to donate to Pasado's in lieu of gifts. They raised lots of money, but they didn't stop there. Instead of throwing themselves birthday parties, they used that money to have a local caterer provide tonight's dinner, birthday cake and card included. We sang them happy birthday in absentia and listened as the caterer read their card aloud. (I hope to upload the video soon.)
After dinner, was our last walking of the dogs for the night. Another fourteen hours of working down, twenty eight more to go.
--Kambri Finished with my last Corona. Off to BED!
Link - 12:31 AM -
Saturday, October 08, 2005
GreatDane
 The shell of a Great Dane who has a sign on his cage that he's "food aggressive." Well, duh! (Click on his photo for a larger view and click here for additional photos.)
Link - 9:23 AM -
Friday, October 07, 2005
My Feet Hurt!
We made it. We flew into Baton Rouge with no problems, rented the van, drove two and a half hours to Houma, checked in to our hotel and immediately reported to duty. We've been working NON-STOP ever since. We're tired, it's late, and we have to check out of this room and move to another so tomorrow will be annoying. That means for a short blog entry. We have some great photos, but it will take me some time to edit and post them.
In the meantime, here's a quick list of the majority of what we have done:
Walk dogs. Pick up poop. Clean kennel trays. Walk dogs. Pick up poop. Fill water bowls. Walk dogs. Pick up poop. Collapse about 60 kennels. Ouch.
Lest you think walking dogs and picking up poop is a piece of cake, it is NOT. I assure you. About 80% of these dogs are pitt bulls who absolutely hate each other. Much time is spent navigating their entrance and exit and restraining them much to the chagrin of my white collar hands. They are powerful and "walking" will whittle away about five pounds off the writer by week's end.
We did reward ourselves with feeding three week old kittens by hand. All four are smoky grey, have opened their eyes and surviving without their mother who was too afraid to be captured. I fed my little one three syringes of formula and massaged it to sleep where it purred deeply, content to live in a barn listening to a million barks a minute.
I feel bad for this skinny fella. Not for his bony frame since this is an improvement for him, but because I inadvertently subjected him to a rectal exam. Oops. He is so happy, even after all he has been through, that he wags his tail non-stop. Due to his being in a crate, however, his tail constantly beats against the wire frame causing the tip of his tail to become raw and bleed. While I was walking him, I noticed and alerted the vet. Somehow the message was lost and my guy had a finger in his bum for no reason. They were about to send him on his way when I said, "But what about his tail?" "OHHH, he's got 'happy tail'," they replied. He was easily repaired and, I am happy to report, has no prostate troubles.
--Kambri and Keith, who is sleeping and has not fully endorsed this message.
Link - 11:59 PM -
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
FreshYarn.com & NOLA
I KNEW I would get my notes from the editor at FreshYarn.com while I was in NOLA. But that's okay, it will give me something to daydream about/work on about during the flight. We leave in the morning. For updated news, visit the site of the rescue group, Pasado's Safe Haven, or just check back on this very blog.
--Kambri
Link - 11:15 PM -
Naked Trampoline Hamlet TONIGHT!
Off-beat and inventive comedian Andres du Bouchet has written a variety of very odd monologues. He will be presenting a more-cohesive-than-usual collection of his kooky soliloquies, including the provocatively titled Naked Trampoline Hamlet, making it a one man show of sorts. Performances will be held at Under St. Marks Theater on Wednesdays, October 5th, 12th and 19th at 8:00 PM.
Du Bouchet has been writing and performing in New York City since 1997. His unique characters, monologues, sketches and absurdist style make him hard to miss. Comedy fans will recognize du Bouchet as the enthusiastically flabbergasted six-time Boliviguayan Entertainer-of-the-Year "Francisco Guglioni." Du Bouchet, in the role of Guglioni, hosts the funniest show with the longest name: Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions & Also There is a Game!!! ("GTN") which won an ECNY Award for Best Variety Show.
Additionally, du Bouchet was named one of the best comics of 2004 by Time Out NY and a "Stand Up Best Bet" by Backstage which said of du Bouchet, "He's the kind of consistent performer you know will always do something fresh and original, not to mention wonderfully silly...so run and catch him now, while Hollywood's loss is our comedy gain."
Visit Andres' website andresdubouchet.com for his online media kit, original writing and additional performance dates.
Naked Trampoline Hamlet and Other Monologues Under St. Marks Theater 94 St. Marks Place (1/A) $10 ($7 students) 8:00 PM
For tickets, call 212-868-4444, visit smarttix.com, or purchase at the door.
--Kambri
Link - 11:53 AM -
Monday, October 03, 2005
I Dreamed a Dream in Time Gone By
I had lunch with pals from my old boss Jack's office.
They asked about my part-time gig. It isn't giving me nearly the connections I had hoped, I told them. It did give me a good anecdote, however, when the exVPoftheUSA caught me looking at my friend Rachel's Lusty Lady site and quickly diverted his eyes. Flesh was on display, I tried my best to quickly close my browser and cubicle life carried forward untainted by a potential harrassment suit.
Besides the boring connections I am getting, I don't get free postage OR color copies. WTF? What's the point in working in an office if you can't take advantage of their corporate account and high tech machinery?!?! Instead, they have firewalls (Again, WTF? Firewalls? You know I can get around them, right? You're just wasting my time here, IT dude), no postage meter, no color copier and, on the off chance that I wanted to be legit, no personal charge accounts. Phooey.
I'm there so little and I do even less for them than I would, say, watching paint dry, all for free benefits and some cash in the pocket. (I do ALL my Ballyhoo work there -- no secret, though -- that's how little I do for "them".) I'm hoping, beginning with posts like these, I can get fired and write a book about how I got fired for writing about boring connections and not being able to steal from my employer who includes an exVPoftheUSofA who saw my friend nekkid on the internets.
--Kambri When hope was high and life worth living.
Link - 10:41 PM -
Sunday, October 02, 2005
ummm...
...I got nothing. I created a profile of sorts on MySpace. Just one more thing I'll have to update. I never used friendster; maybe this will be different.
Christian's friend Bryan was supposed to have a sketch on Saturday Night Live last night, so I actually watched the season premiere start to finish -- I haven't been able to watch a full episode of SNL in years. The sketch ended up being cut, which sucks for Bryan, but the show overall was better than I expected. Mike Meyers' surprise cameo with Kanye West coupled with three glasses of Shiraz had me falling off the couch. Horatio Sanz, on the other hand, is a dolt. He almost had me back to neutral (not really) with his attempt at Weekend Update, but his snickering at himself prevailed and I'm back to thinking he's the worst SNL Player ever. Plus he looked like a bulbous tick* swollen and bursting from the neck opening in his too-tight suit which made me want to pop him with a safety pin.
--Kambri *I had something really mean here about what he really looked like. Email me if you want to hear it.
Link - 11:16 AM -
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