If you like comedy, PR or the occasional inside scoop on the entertainment world, then drop by for a daily dose written by me, Kambri Crews, producer and publicist to comedians and more!   Wednesday, December 28, 2005 Two Word Reviews Then Other Stuff Houston's Laff Stop: Big success. Christmas: Same-o lame-o. New Year's Eve: In DC. Travel: Over it. Holy sh*t have I logged some frequent flier miles! I have been home for a whopping 36 hours, having just returned from Houston before Christamas in Boston, and leave for DC in about 12 hours from now for a short stay for the inauguration of the New Year 2006. I would invite you to join us at the DC Improv, but all the shows are sold out. Sorry, you lose. Christian spoiled me for Christmas again (heh, heh, wouldn't you like to know -- okay, I got many an electronic device), but it feels all anti-climactic once you have to spend a pretty nickel trekking to someone else's city (penny is just too cheap an analogy) and go through so much bullsh*t traveling / packing for the umpteenth time to hang out with a bunch of virtual strangers who most likely wouldn't miss you if you weren't there in the first place. Oh, now, settle down . . . that's not to say they're not nice But just when I start to think, "What a big fu*king waste of time and, giant-lump-in-the-throat-c*ck-su*king dammit my airfare / hotel cost would have / should have / could have been deposited into my Jailed Deaf Dad's Inmate Trust Fund instead of withering here," I get to hang with some unfortunate people who need just as much love and care and attention as my Jailed Deaf Dad and my airfare / hotel money wasn't a total bust if those people feel enriched and loved and needed. Dad will just have to wait for his new thermals and stationery and trial subscription to the Sunday New York Times. Added bonus: I got to hang out with Christian's most awesome friend-turned-stepbrother & friend-turned-stepbrother's wife. We haven't seen them since our trip to Turks & Caicos last June and, boy, do I miss their relaxed nature, easy laughter and quirky senses of humor. But, yeah, I'll be glad to be home come January 1st and get the newest, best year ever under way. I'm happier than ever in more ways than one and, as a complete Triple Dog Dare to the Happiness God, come April or June or, heck, maybe in the next few weeks I'll be hitched for the first time since 1994. --Kambri WTF, right? Link - 10:02 PM -   Tuesday, December 20, 2005 Visiting Hours The prison in Huntsville, Texas was a lot less ominous than I was expecting. Everyone was extremely nice and helpful . . . from the guards who inspected our rental car, to the guards who checked us in and scanned us, to the guards who supervised the visiting area. Even the other prisoners were . . . well . . . nice. I halfway expected to burst into tears upon seeing my jailed deaf dad. I imagined him in an orange jumpsuit and flip flops, shackled and with a beaten spirit. Instead, he came into the visiting area with his trademark strut clad in tennis shoes, a white short-sleeved shirt over white thermal underwear and white pants, and gave a big smile and wave through the glass. "See, there's nothing to cry about," I assured myself. "He is totally fine. Totally." The eight years that have passed since I last saw him have not been kind. He has more tattoos and a receding hairline (no gray, though!) which is to be expected of a man fast approaching 59 years in age, but his teeth. . . I don't know what happened to them! A few of his top back teeth have been pulled and a few others knocked out and his formerly beautiful white front teeth are deeply yellowed with spacing in between them that was never there before. The gaps from his missing teeth cause his cheeks to sink a little more than normal, making him appear skinnier than he already is. His glasses are broken from his many fights with other inmates. Every time he adjusted them, I noticed how perfectly the metal frame fit into the fleshy divots on the bridge of his nose. Another man's fury imprinted on Dad's face. "Who did this to you?" I thought. Angry. Disgusted. Embarrassed. "I'll fix this. They can't do this to you. We're better than this. Aren't we?" "What made them do this to you?" I revised internally. "You provoked them, didn't you? You accused them. You called them names. You insulted them. Just keep to yourself, Stupid." His glasses haven't escaped injury either. They are clumsily taped together in various spots and the nose pads are broken off. His dingy thermal shirt, which has sleeves too short to fit his long arms, are stitched in some places and holey in others. I started noticing how the uniform of every other prisoner had a bright white hue. Dad's was a dull ecru at best. There is still an impish charm that even the strongest steel bars can't cage. It is so apparent in his smile and eyes and they way he tells a story, that my boyfriend Christian and I both wanted to give him all our money. Buy him new clothes and glasses and whatever food and books and periodicals he wanted. This is the same charisma that has allowed him to charm woman after woman after woman -- none of whom are deaf -- to fall in love with him, learn sign language and open their homes to . . . a scoundrel. I spent much of our four hours together translating to Christian as my dad regaled us with tales of his various escapdes from his days in the "Free World", many which involved either weed, drinking or gambling. At one point we were all laughing so loudly everyone around us stopped and stared. One story he shared: A family friend, Clyde, also a deaf-mute, was riding in his car with his young, hearing daughter Cherie. At a stop light a stunningly beautiful woman pulled up beside them. Clyde, wanting to get her attention and look cool, cranked up the radio and began grooving in his seat to the "music" he could feel but not hear while staring over at the woman. Cherie kept tugging on his arm trying to get his attention and Clyde kept brushing her off before finally getting annoyed and turning to see what Cherie wanted to tell him. "WHAT?" Clyde angrily signed. Cherie pointed to the radio and signed back "You're dancing to the NEWS!" The next day we repeated the process of driving two hours from downtown Houston, having the car inspected and us getting scanned. The chocolate chip cookies and gum I had stuffed in my pockets remained undetected. I was hoping for an hour or two of a "contact visit" so I could pass him my secret stash. A stick of gum sells for $1.00 on the inside. That fat pack of Juicy Fruit could result in a whole lot of loot for Dad! I caught Christian, a proud smile on his face, watching me try to turn a $20 bill into a square tiny enough for Dad to hide in his shoe. "You're so awesome," he beamed. This time we were greeted with a more tired looking version of the man we had seen the day before. He signed, "I just woke up, took a sh*t, brushed my teeth, sat down when the guard showed up and said I had a visitor." He looked tired and perhaps a little depressed. He had a very long list of items he wanted to be sure to tell us before our time ran out. -- Teach Christian the sign he made up for the phrase, "Come here, asshole." -- Smuggle in a $100 bill: He can buy 8 packages of loose tobacco and make over $500 profit and not have to do any of the selling. My $20 just wouldn't cut it. -- Get him the Sunday New York Times. Just Sunday . . . you know, to see what the big deal is. Oh, and Discovery Magazine . . . he really loves reading about new technology. -- Go through his boxes of photographs and send him specific photos. -- Buy him fancy stationery with matching envelopes. He can sell other inmates a set of two pieces of stationery and one envelope for $0.75. -- Send a letter on his behalf to his friend Larry who was transferred to another prison after suffering severe beatings at the hands of the guards because they found drawings of nude children in Larry's cell during a shake down. "Larry is not a child molester, he's just a flasher! And they beat him like that? Larry said they weren't drawings of children, just midgets -- not dwarves -- midgets." -- Get him a new pair of glasses. The next time I visit, pretend the glasses are mine during security check in. Then, during a contact visit, we will swap out his old, broken glasses with the new pair I smuggled in. And, most importantly: -- Help him write a letter for an appeal: There was a lack of evidence in his case, he insists. He spent a great deal of time telling me about his version of events the night his girlfriend Gloria* was nearly killed. He dramatically acted out a story: "She was mad because we didn't have money for more beer. She was already drunk and wanted to fight with me. She tried to kill herself with my knife by cutting her own throat. In the struggle to get the knife away from her, she was stabbed a few times. She wanted me to go to jail for it so she could keep my apartment and all my things. Twenty years? Why me? Why me? Why me?" If he doesn't win an appeal, he has six more years till he is eligible for parole. He shook his head slowly in disbelief. His chin wrinkled and his pursed lips turned downward. "I will tie sheets around my neck and hang myself," he signed. "No," I scoffed, scanning his face for a sign he wouldn’t do it. He stared back, scanning my face for one good reason not to. We sat silently for a very, very long time. *Named changed to protect identity. --Kambri Link - 1:16 PM -   Monday, December 19, 2005 After eight hours visiting my jailed deaf dad in two consecutive days I obviously have much to share. It is nearly 2:00 AM and I'm running on fumes after a few days in a row of maybe four hours of sleep a night. The Houston Chronicle did run the Q&A with Christian and, as an added bonus, Christian was quoted in an article about Richard Pryor which ran yesterday. --Kambri Link - 1:49 AM -   Thursday, December 15, 2005 Deep in the Heart of Texas Bad weather in Houston made our flight a little late. Just enough to make us wonder if we'd make our 3:00 car for our first radio spot on KFNC, Houston's only FM news talk radio station. We had a solid hour spot booked of non-stop talk, so I sat in on the interview for a few minutes when the topic of Christian meeting my jailed deaf dad for the first time was broached. It went well and we plugged the show a few dozen times before the hour ended. Our hotel room is amazing -- at $600 a night &$^#% (club's cost), it should be. I want to take pictures so you can just see how cool the sunken, giant tub is with a sliding window thingy that opens so you can watch tv in the living room while soaking in a bubble bath. But pictures of hotel rooms never capture the feeling, I don't think. We had a short time to shower and unpack before we had to head over to the club. There was a great crowd (about 30% over usual Wednesday night ticket sales) and they were great. Even the new prison material, which has the potential to be very awkward, went well. We are recording all the sets in hopes of creating a CD to sell online and at live shows. After the show was the usual celebration at the bar with the audience and staff. Pete, the affable club owner, was giving us shot after shot after shot. Too much. Especially since we had a radio spot this morning on KRBE at 8:00 this morning. Guess what time we have to get up tomorrow? 6:00 AM. OOF. After this morning's spot, we napped then worked on the Houston Chronicle Q&A that should hopefully be in tomorrow's paper but, most likely in Saturday's. As usual, I'll post it here when it runs. --Kambri Link - 6:30 PM -   Wednesday, December 14, 2005 Crash Course After taping Friday Nights with Greg Giraldo, suddenly it struck us: Woah, Christian doesn't know sign language! So we just did a crash course -- I'm very rusty -- and pretended to have prison conversations with my deaf father. Christian talked and I interpreted. The word "butthole" was used many times during rehearsal. I'll let you know how the real thing goes. One thing I know for certain, I won't be dressing sexy. My dad has made sure to warn me against doing so at least once per letter in every single letter. Wha? Okay, Dad. Meanwhile, if you're in Houston, drop by the Laff Stop. My mom will be there one night with her husband and friends. The last time she saw Christian perform live was here in New York City. Christian called her up on stage and pulled a horribly hilarious prank on her which she and the audience loved. Since this is a real gig (aka he's getting paid to headline), there won't be any hijinx like that, but he probably will call her out at the end of his set. She'll love it. --Kambri Link - 6:12 AM -   Tuesday, December 13, 2005 Busy Day Ahead My phone is a-ringing, non-stop! The Houston Chronicle, another Houston radio station (this time for a full one hour interview!), the Laff Stop and an Arizona radio station. This doesn't even factor in all the errands I have to do in preparation for the trip: car scheduling, map printing, comp ticket requesting...whew, isn't that enough already? I have big, giant butterflies in my belly...I get to see my jailed deaf dad in just four days. This year marks 8 years since I last saw him. Christmas 1997 I hosted him in my Akron, Ohio apartment (Jeez, I was still in Akron?!) and bought him a VCR and a bunch of videotapes, a new cue stick, fancy darts and a whole bunch of other stuff. I spoiled him rotten that year. I've gotten a bunch of letters from him over the last few days and there are so many gems to share with you, but no time. I still want to start his own website or, at the very least, blog. Any ideas on what to call it? JailedDeafDad.com? ImInnocent.blogspot.com? SheMadeMeDoIt.net? Oh yeah, and this evening Christian is taping Friday Nights with Greg Giraldo so everything must be done by 5:30 when the car arrives. Gulp. Thank goodness for my new Treo 650. It's not good for receiving my webmail, but at least I can send emails from my phone. --Kambri Link - 11:49 AM -   Monday, December 12, 2005 The Today Show / Matt Lauer thing I told you about made AOL's Top Five! Check it out! Christian is on the there, too. --Kambri Link - 11:32 AM -   Sunday, December 11, 2005 Weekend at the Movies Syriana was good overall, but don't go there when you're the least bit drowsy. It's very complicated with a large number of characters and multiple plot lines and there are subtitles. Not such a good sign: a few people walked out and one guy to my left fell asleep. I'm glad I saw it in the theater, otherwise I never in a million years would have sat through the video. I really wanted to see Brokeback Mountain but, surprisingly, it is only playing in three theaters in the City. Hmmmmm...weird. My essay still hasn't run in Fresh Yarn. I was 90% sure it would be in this installment since it's about family and this is the holidays. In checking the site, I noticed a piece by Jackie Cohen. She's a terrific chick who used to work with Christian on Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. Yay for Jackie. --Kambri Link - 12:03 PM -   Friday, December 09, 2005 The Today Show went well. Christian had a hard time getting a word in -- Chuck Nice & Sherrod Small are both highly animated on their own...together they are a pretty silly pair. But the segment as a whole was fun and, as Katie Couric stressed to us beforehand, they kept it clean. Matt Lauer ran the segment and tossed in a few zingers of his own, and some pretty harsh ones about Tom Cruise. I'm surprised no blogs have mentioned it. Katie said afterwards that she thought it was really funny and that the stuff Matt said "will make the news." Matt basically took the gloves off, so I think she's right. Afterward the five of us breakfasted at the Rink Bar and Grill. So pretty to see all the snow and the Rockefeller Center tree and the rink from our cozy and dry seats inside. --Kambri Link - 3:49 PM -   Thursday, December 08, 2005 Oh, yeah, and here's a Best Week Ever piece that ran in the NY Daily News where the BWE panelists give their pick for who is having the best year ever for 2005. http://www.nydailynews.com/news/gossip/story/372794p-316883c.html --Kambri Link - 5:22 PM -   Houston Press Interview Christian's gig at the Houston Laff Stop is coming up and I've been putting on the full court press for publicity. So far, we've got one radio spot (KRBE), one television spot (Fox) and this interview in the Houston Press: Best Comic Ever A VH1 pop guru goes to Houston - and to jail by Steven Devadanam For comedians, hitting the road is a chance to hone your material. It's a chance to gain valuable exposure to hungry audiences. And for Christian Finnegan, it's a chance to meet your girlfriend's father -- who's in jail. "I'm really curious to see how it's going to go," says Finnegan, who'll visit his sweetie's pop in the Huntsville penitentiary before hitting the Laff Stop today. "I want to impress him — I mean, the dude's in prison, but he's still your girlfriend's dad. Maybe I'll sneak a nail file inside a cake or spit in the guard's face to get some cred." [Read the full interview here.] --Kambri Link - 12:10 PM -   Tuesday, December 06, 2005 They're Gonna Be Stars, I Tell Ya, Big Stars! Animal Planet does this 'Puppy Bowl' every year - three solid hours of puppies frolicking on a mini faux football field complete with a ref and penalties for pooping. Words simply cannot describe how delightfully ticklish it is watching this show, but Animal Planet tries to explain here why you should tune in (and you should!). To give you an idea of how populuar it was last year, the video sold out before the three hour program was done. Aside from my love of puppy breath and pink bellies, why do I tell you this? Three of the four puppies belonging to a scruffy (okay, gawd awful ugly chow momma) I cared for while in NOLA are among the ones that will be on the show! Here's a pic of two of the four: --Kambri Link - 11:35 PM -   Tits Tees for Sale! Get Your Tits Tees! Back in August, I got my original Tits tee from the designer Frank Marciuliano. Now you can have your very own just in time for the holidays. Buy yours here. Tune in this Friday to the Today Show when you'll see Christian Finnegan and two other Best Week Ever panelists discussing such important topics as Nick & Jessica. Added bonus, my pal Rachel will be there doing something for her publishing house. --Kambri Link - 11:15 AM -   Sunday, December 04, 2005 Yesterday I attended the Sloan Foundation Dialogue with Ron Howard & Brian Grazer at the AMMI. It started twenty minutes late and only lasted for forty minutes more, so that was a big disappointment for everyone there. Howard & Grazer were both very chatty and the audience had plenty of questions left for them. As a consolation (for me, anyway), the last item discussed confirmed something I've been thinking of for a few months now. The gist of the question was what were Howard's stumbling blocks transitioning from actor to director/prodcuer. The sum of his answer was that he did some projects early on (Roger Corman movies, etc.) that he wasn't necessarily thrilled to do but that allowed him to prove himself. (Aw, poor Roger got dissed! See a pic of me and Rachel with Corman from the film festival we worked on together.) Grazer chimed in that their general rule of thumb throughout their over-20 year partnership was: "keep yourself on the playing field." Humble yourself, take less money, do what it takes to be on the field, not in the bleachers. This reinforced something Christian & I talked about briefly after this comment was left on his site with regard to Christian's TVLand Game Time gig: dude, i have the utmost respect for you, but you are so much better than this. congrats just the same. My only response is: No he's not. Sure, he's funnier and smarter than the show allows but is he above it? No way. First, it's paying his bills. Second, he's hosting a television show. Third, he's working. Fourth, he's working with people who make television. Fifth, he's reaching an audience who, most likely, doesn't watch Comedy Central. Sixth, it's paying his bills. Per Fred Graver, producer of VH1's Best Week Ever, he received advice early in his career to "stay on television". Do anything you can to just stay on people's television sets. That reinforces the Grazer/Howard motto. I don't think one should do anything that one morally (or physically) disagrees with, like say doing a nude scene or something with graphic violence or whatever it is that might make one avoid a project. It's not TVLand presents "Hitler Was Right" or "Live Abortions" fergodsake, it's wholesome good fun with folks that have won awards like Emmys and stuff. --Kambri What do you think? Anyone out there in the entertainment biz have some insight? Link - 11:02 AM -   Saturday, December 03, 2005 Rockefeller Center Tree Lighting This was the first tree lighting since I moved to New York that I wasn't watching from my private perch on the third floor of 620 5th Avenue. I was sad to miss it and not give the gift of a unique New York experience to my friends, but I had TV Land's Game Time and the Elle Magazine's Reader's Prize Awards to attend. (See below.) In my rush to get from the awards to the taping, I forgot about the lighting ceremony. I ended up paying $10 only to be let off far away from my final destination due to blocked roads. So I hoofed it cross-town through throngs of tourists just in time to see . . . the tree lighting! This afternoon I am going to the Sloan Dialagoue with guests Ron Howard and Brian Grazer at the AMMI. After the discussion, there will be a screening of A Beautiful Mind, but I think I'll skip that. --Kambri Link - 10:16 AM -   Friday, December 02, 2005 Maybelline is a Cutie! I got pics back from Vegas and Thanksgiving which includes some Dealertainers and the photo below. Click on the pic to get to my Flickr account if you want to check them out. --Kambri Link - 3:03 PM -   I'm in Cindy Adams' Column Today Here's her shortened version of my crazy night the other night. Read the full version here. --Kambri Link - 10:03 AM -   Thursday, December 01, 2005 Shalom Harlow is a Pretentious A-Hole Or so I said in my Letter to the Editor of New York magazine. Turn to page 96 of the November 28, 2005, edition to get a glimpse of Shalom's ridiculous attempts to sound really deep and caring about the environment while blowing a couple grand of cold hard cash. Postman swipe your only copy? Here are the gems you missed via my scanned original (pardon the wrinkles, I wiped my butt with it -- literally). Until today, I've never written a Letter to the Editor. Here's my initiation into the crazy world of spewing random vile via email: Inspired by Shalom Harlow's hyper green lifestyle, I picked up my dog's poo with her face ripped from page 96 of the 11/28 issue. I always thought "shalom" meant "peace". In her case, it seems to mean "Pretentious A-Hole". --Kambri Green lifestyles apparently cost some serious greenbacks! Link - 10:06 PM -   Another "Only in New York" Story for Cindy Adams Christian tucked me into bed and as he walked out of the room said, "What crazy lives we lead. You left my television taping to go meet an acclaimed author at a private party where you ran into your friend who created the Fresh Prince of Bel Air." He's right, but it's so much weirder than that. So, get this: Fabulous writer Rachel Kramer Bussel (Village Voice "Lusty Lady" columnist, Penthouse) and I arranged to meet in front of the Players Club where we were attending Elle Magazine's celebration awarding authors Jeannette Walls (The Glass Castle and pictured R w/Rachel) and Elizabeth Kostova (The Historian) with their 2005 Readers' Prize awards. While Rachel and I were chatting on the sidewalk I notice my friend Andy Borowitz (The Borowitz Report & creator of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air) heading inside. I ask if he's there for Jeannette's party. Why, no, he's not. He is a member of the club and is there to have a drink, but coincidentally he knows Jeannette well and will stop by to congratulate her. Then a loud boom is heard behind us. A woman exiting a cab struck a pizza delivery man on his bicycle. The stunned woman pays her fare and exits the taxi. "Katie?" Andy asked. Turns out, the woman is a good friend of Andy. Crazy, right? After cocktails, speeches and readings by both authors, I headed back to the Supper Club to re-join the in-progress taping of TVLand's Game Time where my boyfriend/client Christian Finnegan is hosting a game show where David Cassidy is playing ping pong with two contestants and Big Foot portrayed by the dude who plays King in the new Burger King commercials. Surreal. --Kambri The deliveryman was shaken but unscathed. Link - 12:48 PM -